green: (bandom: waycest handjob)
been stressed out so much but now it's fixed and here's what happened... )

Okay, that's all. That's the update. The only other thing going on around here is mom being sick which means me doing more stuff around the house. And getting up with Meg at 5am every morning since mom usually does that part - getting meg ready for school and sending her off on the bus - and it's really screwed with my sleep. For some reason I'm sleeping so much more. I go back to bed once Meg is off to school and end up sleeping many extra hours. :(
green: (bandom: mikeyway is shiny)
being broke SUCKS SO BAD.

and medication is too damned expensive.

and I owe mom money still, I owe her money from JULY, and she hasn't even mentioned yet what I owe from after July since I haven't paid that part yet.

and then there are things I would like to buy just for myself, just a couple of little things like BB cream and new lip gloss and a bra that fits AND is comfortable. and maybe one of these days I could get a haircut because I am so sick of ponytails. but none of those things are necessities, so I hate myself every time I look on the Sephora site or browse bra sales.

so sick of this.

also. also. there are both good things and bad things about the way all the fic is on AO3 now and people post most of their other fannish things on Tumblr instead of it all being mixed up with personal RL things at a journaling site. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, because the way I interact with others has changed dramatically in the past few years, and I am mostly hating the part where I feel like making friends has become more difficult, or at least a completely different process altogether than what it used to be.
green: (leverage: pickpocket parker)
doctor appt set for august 4th. going to talk to him about the pain increase. not much we can do about it when I can't really afford another MRI or the cost of going back to the orthopedic place, and I definitely can't afford surgery, but at least it'll be on record and possibly help with my disability claim. eventually. maybe.
green: (teen wolf: lydia)
Went to the doctor today and together we decided I should go back on lithium. I am kinda excited, since I did well on it for a long time. But when I got to the pharmacy, I was $80 short, so I couldn't get my ritalin. But I got everything else, yay! :D?
green: (stock: balloons)
I've got almost enough to pay for my meds + food until the end of the month. Thank you for helping me out, I appreciate it so much. I have been super careful with my Percocet but now I'm out and there's a storm coming so I huuuurt! :( But I'm going to the doctor tomorrow and should get my prescriptions written - I just need a bit more to fill them. I am guessing I need about $50-$75 more and I can pay for everything.

If you can help, it would be great. my paypal is anthony.melissa (at) rocketmail (dot) com.

My youngest son has been here since Saturday now. It is so great to spend time with him. I don't think I ever told you guys about what happened during the winter holidays with DJ. I tried to write & post about it a couple of times, but I couldn't really get through it all, even in writing and taking breaks and stuff. But anyway, DJ isn't here and we're not really talking to each other, mostly because he's taken to being the Worst Teenager Ever, or fulfilling every single stereotype of hateful teenagers. It's painful, but at least Zach doesn't hate me... yet. :\
green: vector art zombie head (misc: zombie)
I only have $75 until the 1st of the month, and I have to pay for a doctor visit and food and meds. these are all important because my son is coming to visit and having food and my meds is a big deal (an even bigger deal than usual) while he's here.

I could really use some help. I really, really hate asking. But we need to eat and I need to not be in pain or having panic attacks and insomnia, you know?

Paypal is anthony.melissa (at) rocketmail (dot) com.

(and if you can't help financially, maybe you could point some people here?)


Mar. 23rd, 2014 10:34 pm
green: (bandom: gerard scream)
ok, I'm not actually passing a hat this time. I will pay you back on the 1st! But I need $25 so I'll have enough to get my med tomorrow or tuesday at the latest.


anybody want to send me a few bucks with the guarantee of getting it back on the 1st? doesn't have to be the whole 25, a few dollars here or there would really help.

(I went a few days without the meds to see if I could do without, hoping I could hold out on my own until the 1st... it didn't work out well for me OR my brain.)

(post is open in case you want to direct someone here who can help)

(thank you, and I'm really really sorry I keep doing this)

paypal is

BIG HONKING EDIT: thanks to my flist, I now have the money to buy my meds tomorrow. THANK YOU. I'm so grateful for you guys and your generosity. I've been blessed.


Dec. 30th, 2013 01:52 pm
green: (poi: who is saving who?)
my life is ridiculous sometimes. SERIOUSLY.

This morning I started with $33 in cash and a tiny tupperware container of change.

I went to the doctor (my medicaid ends tomorrow, so doc visit + meds was a must!) and paid $2 for my copay.

Then I went to Walmart for groceries. I poured my change into the coinstar machine and got $28.03! I diligently went through the store buying food for the next few days (to tide us over until Meg's SSI is available on the debit card), adding up every nickel. When I got to the checkout, the grocery bill was $58.19. I ended up with 84 cents in change! \o/

UNFORTUNATELY, once I got home and changed Meg, I opened up a new pack of diapers and realized it is the LAST PACK WE HAVE.

We have to make 12 diapers last until I can get to the store on the 1st. (also, for some weird wrongheaded budgeting/planning reason, we have 8 unopened cartons - a dozen boxes per carton, I think? - of wipes)

ANYWAY, there's a thing. GoFundMe. Because I need a computer and money other than computer money will definitely be medical expenses money (I actually went through this in a protected entry, but tl;dr is that I will now be spending $200 a month for doc visits + meds. I hope to make the money myself, but I need the computer for this...)

Here, have a widget:

link in case the flash widget doesn't work for you:

(I changed the art I used on the page thanks to a LJ user's comment that the original art was offputting. I was proud of the art, a vector painting I did a while back, but I like this one too and it's a frog and is more 'me' since my personality is quite green. :D?


Dec. 28th, 2013 05:16 pm
green: (stock: balloons)
I did this thing...

PLEASE help if you can, and pass the link along, too.

This is the text I came up with for the site:

Please, please help me buy a new computer. I'm not an expert graphic designer or big-name writer, but I have enough skills to make a bit of money here and there from outsourcing sites by editing images and writing web content. I can't do that without a computer that works, though.

Right now I'm working (or not, really) from an overheating, out-of-date, battery-less laptop that won't run certain graphics and video editing programs and continually shuts down on its own on a whim. I'd been dealing with that for months, but now it has taken to freezing before I run anything to begin with.

I plan on buying a (new) computer and using what money is left over to help pay for some medical expenses I have.
green: (bandom: gerard scream)
Read more... )
green: (Default)
So the first draft weighed in at almost 6k, and it SUCKED.

I mean, it REALLY sucked. So I'm rewriting the fic from scratch and so far I have 4300 words and lots more to go. I feel much better about it now, though. And [ profile] reddwarfer has been a wonderful help today. Sometimes you just need someone to talk writing to, you know?

When this fic is done I'm going to finish my Dragon Big Bang. I want to get it done and out of the way so I can pursue other things. :)

In other news, I'm really broke, and I'm worried about the upcoming holidays and having enough money to get through them. I'm already in debt to my mom for presents, and then I have to pay for gas in order to pick up the boys and then take them back after the break.

Also, does anyone ever use regular old classic iPods anymore? I have an 80 gig silver one that I am willing to part with in order to have actual cash in my hand. Anybody want it? Best offer!


Jul. 30th, 2012 11:27 am
green: (Default)
I am seriously starting to panic. Remember my last post? Maybe not. I'll just recap:

storm. repairs. money desperately needed.

So anyway, the insurance company says our deductible is $500. Where the FUCK are we going to get $500? And that's on top of the $200 I owe the electric company on the 1st, else our electric will be put out on the 2nd. Yeah, I missed a payment because we are BROKE. Okay, I will pay the electric out of Meg's check on the 1st, which will leave me with less than $200 to pay for the repairs. And school clothes. And Meg's shoes are falling apart. UGH.

If you can help in any way, please do. just a few dollars here and there might make a big dent in what we owe.

paypal is anthony DOT melissa AT
green: (bandom: gerard scream)
UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH. PEOPLE. I am once again passing the hat around. I hate to do it, but dire circumstances!

We had a really bad storm on Thursday that caused a power surge that cost us greatly. So now I have bills from:

*electrician who fixed the water pump/got us a new part to replace the burnt out one, so we would have water.

*air conditioner repair man who fixed the air conditioner and thermostat (needed this one desperately, as I live in Florida (otherwise known as HELL in July) (also, meg has MANY MANY seizures when she's overheated)

*did I mention my electric bill is over $200 this month?

Also, we lost the microwave, the xbox, and a cell phone charger. Luckily mom had an extra charger. I can live without the microwave for the time being. The xbox, though, is our only way of watching tv (and keeping meg entertained). We don't have cable because it's too expensive, so we pay for xbox live gold and netflix. Now we don't have that and it sucks. Meg keeps crying because there's nothing on. ugh

the modem was damaged too, but we got a new one of those today and ... well, I'm sure we'll have to pay for that, too, but i'm not thinking about it right now.

Can someone help me out? paypal is good, (anthony DOT melissa AT

I hate to ask but I have no idea how else to pay for all this and meg's SSI check is tiny. oh, and if you could tell people about this that'd be nice, too. it's not a BIG deal, except that it is to me. :\
green: (Default)
MRI went well. It was an open one this time, so I wasn't TRAPPED even though I was strapped to a weird neck brace.

I'm dizzy, but [personal profile] schemingreader just pointed out to me that MRIs make lots of people dizzy.

I'm at that point in the year where I'm worried about going back to school. I took this semester off because of my back and was grateful I DID take off because of all the problems we've been having with Meg. It's been a bad six months.

But now I'm going 'wow, I don't know if I can do it' and also there's the thing where our food stamps get cut in half if I'm in school and we really can't afford that. Last time we barely got by, and I had help from you guys financially. So I don't know.

Also, my head is fucked up. Not really badly, I can function day to day, but I don't know how well I'd do in school. It might be good for me and it might be terrible.

I did really well last semester. I made the Dean's List. I had fun learning, even when I felt like I was barely holding on. But I did it. I don't know. I need to think some more.


Dec. 1st, 2011 10:10 am
green: (Default)
will not be getting pain relief any time soon. doc won't give me the good drugs. going to pain management next month, though, and hopefully THEY will help me. I mean, I can't sleep at night because if I roll a little I'm in pain. UGH. it's not like I would take them every day, just when it flares up. UGH. anyway, I have a really fucked up disc and that's what's wrong. he's giving me 6 weeks of physical therapy before we look at surgery, but surgery seems to be a real option at this point.

thank you for helping me. if you didn't see my post last night, I'm having money issues and could really use some help. my paypal email is
green: (Default)
The state of America at the moment is not what keeps me awake at night. Read more... )
green: (stock: teaching)
I started observing in actual classrooms last Friday and went back today for another three hours of observation. It will take me 10 weeks to get enough hours the way I'm going, but that's fine.

I wrote a post about it last week, but I made it private. It was mainly about the achievement gap and how horrendous it is. I threw in some social justice and religion. I don't know why I made it private, I just did. I didn't really come up with any good answers and it mainly was me flailing at the system and society and how fucking pissed I am that there's a remedial English class at the local high school full of minority children who can barely read. Who are in 12th grade and are expected to graduate.

Okay, I'm not going to get into that again because I don't have the answers and it just frustrates me.

Yesterday I got through my tests and essay okay. The tests were easier than the essay.

Really bummed about not being eligible for food stamps anymore. Meg is still eligible, but I'm not, and it brings our total to about $129(?) for the month. Not a lot. And I'm still trying to pay bills with Meg's SSI check which, as you might recall, got cut awhile back. If I could work, I would. It's just not possible.

I don't know how I've gotten this far with school without having a breakdown so far. (I keep waiting for it to happen, but I know I shouldn't think like that.) But I make myself go and do homework and try my best. I know I can't rely heavily on motivation, because that comes and goes. I just have to do it.
green: (Default)
I cut my hair and here's proof! )

my mom is mad at me. she says when I'm manic that it's hell.

I guess I should go to a salon tomorrow and see if they can make it more mom-friendly. on wednesday I'm going to meg's school and mom doesn't want to be embarrassed, I guess.

I feel much better than I did this morning, thanks to you guys, here and in IM.

also, I bought an interfaith haggadah. spending money you don't have is a symptom of bipolar, too. mania.

I told mom I bought it and now she's mad because I was supposed to buy a fan for meg's room. I forgot.

tell me something awesome?


green: (Default)

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