hope is the thing with feathers

good news: after getting little to no sleep for about 3 days and nights, I finally got to sleep through the night last night, yay!

bad news: as of this morning, I'm almost a hundred dollars overdrawn on my bank account and still need to buy more pull-ups for Meg. my ex hasn't sent a dime.

my Paypal, if you can help a little.

thanks to people being very kind and chipping in, I was able to get more groceries today and I was able to buy a few packs of pull-ups for Meg in the brand/size/style that actually works for her. maybe before they are gone, her support coordinator will have this mess fixed and she can get them the way she's supposed to, with Medicaid paying.

but omg, thank you thank you thank you

anybody else suffering shock over July's electric bill?????

We started Meg on a new seizure med this past week. So far, so good. I haven't seen any big difference but the side effects aren't crummy either.

Instead of writing, woe, I've been playing video games almost nonstop. Tiny Tina's Wonderlands is SO FUN.

I am broke and have no money for gas or food this week. Um. Halp? Just ten bucks or so would go a long way. I need about
150 total. https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/yogibogeybox

c/p from my tumblr:

hate to do this, but if you could maybe throw five or ten bucks my way, I really need it right now. bills have kicked my ass lately, every price of every thing is going up, and I had to change the dog's food and get her some fancy joint supplements, and gasoline is just. whoa. waiting for the weather to change so my electric bill will go down, but it's only barely changing here in FL and ughhhh. I'm just in a jam.

if you can help, here's my paypal, and if not, please reblog anyway? this money would specifically be for food and electricity.

(tumblr post for reblogging)

Okay, so. I hate to do this *again* but I'm in a terrible bind.

Yesterday at the grocery store I accidentally used the wrong debit card and now my bank account is overdrawn. First it was just $88 in the hole, but then the bank noticed and charged me $36 extra. I didn't panic too hard, I did a transfer of funds from one account to the other -- except I didn't read the fine print. It takes up to 3 business days to get the money from one account to the other, and the bank is gonna charge me every day I'm overdrawn. So now I'm looking at getting charges every day until Monday, maybe Tuesday, even though I immediately tried to put the money back.

So I really need about a hundred plus bucks (thereabouts) via paypal today to fix this before the bank starts charging more than I can pay back. If you can send me a few bucks, please do so? I know I ask for money way too often because I'm broke af but this is so stressful.

My paypal is RIGHT HERE

Edit: HI THANK YOU I got enough to get this fixed. Thank you. THANK YOU.

This gout shit is nothing to fuck around with. I had turkey and gravy yesterday (both high purine foods) and woke up this morning feeling like I broke my fucking arm. OW.

I wasn't sure I had gout until today. The doctor mentioned it as a possibility but we were checking for other things, too. I haven't been back to him since I got my ankle x-rayed. I had been convinced the pain in my ankle was a stress fracture. But I'd gotten that flare (it's gotta be a flare) after eating pork chops and gravy.

Gout is kind of embarrassing to have. Like, when someone says gout I think of like King Henry VIII. Or this old dude who goes to church with my mom (he's 85). I'm too young for this shit. And too female. But I guess not.

I'm gonna go back to my doc in a month (unless I absolutely can't deal with the pain) and discuss it. In the meantime, I bought some tart cherry capsules, which is supposed to help with joint health and the uric acid problem. Another thing I might try is vinegar, but I'm starting with tart cherry. Also my diet is gonna change drastically - but I'd already started a diet, so it's not a disappointment.

( diet and weight loss stuff here - may be triggery )
I've written 22,287 words this month so far. I don't think I'm gonna hit 25k like I wanted, but it's still damn good. a little less than 11k to my year goal.

I'm BROKE. I just. Sigh.

My computer needs fixing. I still have bday (both meg and zach were born in december) and xmas presents to buy, and to figure out how to get Zach up here for the holiday.

Anybody want to chip in for gas money (my top priority, tbh),or me getting the laptop fixed, OR does anyone have this book or this book they want to send to me to give my boy? Or any art books? Zach is into renaissance art and draws with pencil and charcoal. Meg needs a new pair of shoes and likes pretty (costume/cheapish) necklaces. Maybe I should make a wish list? *flail*

on tumblr I wanted to go into a long rant/explanation about why I needed to ask for money but I didn't because I was afraid some asshole would try to pick it apart.

but I guess I can kinda explain here. my medicaid has flipped around to a different managed care provider and now I need new doctor authorizations before they will pay for certain things. in the meantime I'm left paying cash. and then there was my regular eye doctor who stopped taking medicaid altogether. so I had to pay for an eye exam* and glasses (at least I was able to order the glasses from zenni so I didn't have to pay a lot). I had to pay for my pain meds this month. I have no idea what's going to happen when the big, expensive med I take comes up in about a week - it's way more than I can pay for out of pocket (the last time I checked, a 30 day supply was $1400). hopefully the doctor will have enough samples of Vraylar to hold me over until the new medicaid managed care provider decides I can have it after all.

we will not even get into the stress I'm having because 'what if they decide not to pay for it?'

I am switching internet providers because the one we have now (CenturyLink) sucks HARD. they have outages all the time, sometimes just for an hour, but sometimes for days at a time. so I'm getting xfinity. I don't have good credit (or any credit, tbh) so I had to put down a deposit for the hardware they sent to get me set up. I haven't switched over yet because I'm waiting on someone to come out here and install something on my house so I can use it. but that was another expense.

my mom's computer died and I got her a new chromebook. she's paying me back but couldn't right away, so that was a little over $200.

we are still paying for the new heat and air unit that we had to replace last summer.

we are still paying for repairs on the house and property because of hurricane Michael. these are things the insurance didn't cover.

I don't qualify for SNAP, so I buy all the groceries with cash.

like, I'm on a fixed income with my SSI. I don't have all this money. I've tried to set up a Patreon in the past but 1. it freaked me out and gave me so much anxiety I couldn't stand it and 2. I hate making any kind of money off fannish activities and it didn't feel right

thanks for reading this.


*I can't just go anywhere. I need to go to familiar places. so going to a new eye doctor who DOES take my medicaid when I've already psyched myself up to go see the familiar one is haaaaaaaaaard. too hard, in this case. my anxiety and agoraphobia suck donkey balls.



TL;DR - I need money and my paypal is anthony.melissa@rocketmail.com

I added this to my sticky post as well. Just an easy way to (monetarily) say hi, thanks, or help me out $3 at a time. I'm not doing HORRIBLY, or WELL, but I'm doing. Getting disability has helped tremendously, but a little extra cash would help more. I'm saving up to get some more dental work. Going through years of depression is hell on the teeth. Also I'm still trying to get a little money to give mom because we had to replace the heat/air unit and she put it on a credit card.

Fannish update: I'm writing a LOT lately. Still in Teen Wolf fandom, where I've been since 2012. A lot of people have moved on from that fandom, but it's got a grip on me. I'm currently writing like a dozen fics at once, lol. I love it. I've thought a little about trying my hand at original stories, but they never interest me the way fanfic does. I suppose I could try to file the serial numbers off something, but the only fic I can think of that I could do that with wasn't very popular to begin with, though I love the premise. Or I could rewrite something with a similar idea? Who knows! I just love fandom and fanfiction so much. There's no real reason to try to write original, really. I don't feel like I need to do something 'legit' to be a 'real writer' or anything.

I've also been making icons. I really ought to post them to comms sometimes instead of just to the challenges I make them for.
Does anyone have any icon requests? I will totally make you one. It may take a few days but I'll get to it. ASK ME. Leave a comment. Leave a pic, if you have one in mind.

Shoutout to romantical for the lovely card. Thank youuuuuu. Getting mail from you is always a treat.

being broke SUCKS SO BAD.

and medication is too damned expensive.

and I owe mom money still, I owe her money from JULY, and she hasn't even mentioned yet what I owe from after July since I haven't paid that part yet.

and then there are things I would like to buy just for myself, just a couple of little things like BB cream and new lip gloss and a bra that fits AND is comfortable. and maybe one of these days I could get a haircut because I am so sick of ponytails. but none of those things are necessities, so I hate myself every time I look on the Sephora site or browse bra sales.

so sick of this.

also. also. there are both good things and bad things about the way all the fic is on AO3 now and people post most of their other fannish things on Tumblr instead of it all being mixed up with personal RL things at a journaling site. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, because the way I interact with others has changed dramatically in the past few years, and I am mostly hating the part where I feel like making friends has become more difficult, or at least a completely different process altogether than what it used to be.