hope is the thing with feathers

the process to get your goddamn meds in this country is so ridiculous. the doctor writes a prescription. the doctor sends it to the pharmacy. SOMETHING HAPPENS. blahblah haha no meds for you!

I've been on and off the phone (since Thursday) with three entities who should not have this much control over my life. insurance and doctor and pharmacy. the trifecta of 'we can't help'.

I CANNOT FUCKING THINK.

short update: doc is trying Buspar for me. my agoraphobia is SO BAD. and I haven't been writing much lately, booooo

I finally have things to post about!

I went to the doctor yesterday and he's starting me on two new medications. One is Viibryd (for depression) and the other is... I forget the name of it. It's a diabetes med I'm to take off label to help me lose weight. Because I complained about the weight thing. He's never brought it up, which I hear is rare for a doctor.

Zach is coming on Monday! I haven't seen him in two years! I AM EXCITE!

I feel like I'm in such a constant struggle (with Medicaid) to get my meds. They keep changing the rules on me (who can write prescriptions, what they will pay for, how they will pay, what the doctor needs to do to get them to pay...) and I'm going days or weeks at a time without meds. >:(

the answer is obviously: EBAY!

:D?

anybody want some Vertigo Fables

or

a pair of silver heels, size 11 B

?

I've got almost enough to pay for my meds + food until the end of the month. Thank you for helping me out, I appreciate it so much. I have been super careful with my Percocet but now I'm out and there's a storm coming so I huuuurt! :( But I'm going to the doctor tomorrow and should get my prescriptions written - I just need a bit more to fill them. I am guessing I need about $50-$75 more and I can pay for everything.

If you can help, it would be great. my paypal is anthony.melissa (at) rocketmail (dot) com.

My youngest son has been here since Saturday now. It is so great to spend time with him. I don't think I ever told you guys about what happened during the winter holidays with DJ. I tried to write & post about it a couple of times, but I couldn't really get through it all, even in writing and taking breaks and stuff. But anyway, DJ isn't here and we're not really talking to each other, mostly because he's taken to being the Worst Teenager Ever, or fulfilling every single stereotype of hateful teenagers. It's painful, but at least Zach doesn't hate me... yet. :\

ok, I'm not actually passing a hat this time. I will pay you back on the 1st! But I need $25 so I'll have enough to get my med tomorrow or tuesday at the latest.

soooo...

anybody want to send me a few bucks with the guarantee of getting it back on the 1st? doesn't have to be the whole 25, a few dollars here or there would really help.

(I went a few days without the meds to see if I could do without, hoping I could hold out on my own until the 1st... it didn't work out well for me OR my brain.)

(post is open in case you want to direct someone here who can help)

(thank you, and I'm really really sorry I keep doing this)

paypal is anthony.melissa@rocketmail.com

BIG HONKING EDIT: thanks to my flist, I now have the money to buy my meds tomorrow. THANK YOU. I'm so grateful for you guys and your generosity. I've been blessed.

I didn't put my name in for the last one, or the one before that, or the one before that. But I self-nommed for this one because I like to be appreciated sometimes and I like that this one's on DW. (I also love the way this meme is going. such thoughtful comments!)

My thread is here.

1. I am not in a mental institution. Feminism has a lot to do with that. A not-so-distant ancestor was put into an asylum and given shock treatment on a regular basis because of her 'nervous disorder' or whatever they called it. Many women in the past were sent to asylums -- horrible places where they were abused horribly, drugged into zombiehood, and given dangerous 'treatments' for simply acting outside the social norms. So I definitely would have gone in one of those institutions, for my manic depression (bipolar disorder), for my forward thinking, for my accusing my husband of violence, for my burgeoning lesbianism. Oh, yes. Sexuality outside the patriarchal norm MUST be punished treated. Women must only be passive vessels for a man's sexuality! UGH.

2. I was able to file for divorce to get out of an abusive relationship. Not only that, but I was given counselling that helped me become a stronger woman, to recognize how the patriarchy shapes domestic violence, to think outside the little box I was given and to crawl out and become a full person with her own agency and everything!

3. I can vote! Does this need elaboration? I have an actual voice in my local, state, and federal governments. I can help elect people, men and women, who support women's issues. Feminism gave me choices. I don't even have to vote for strong feminist candidates, I could vote for conservatives! But it's MY choice. Not someone else saying I'm too weak-minded to understand politics and government.

4. Sex! I can masturbate without feeling like a deviant. I can own toys and use them liberally. They're made just for me! I can have orgasms. I know what orgasms are. I know how to have them. I know I can have more than one. When having sex with a partner, we have fun. I can have fun having sex without being looked at as one of those bad girls.

5. I can think and am not regularly criticized for thinking. Feminism hasn't told me how to think, just taught me that I can. I can think about me and you. I can think about people I don't know. I can think about oppression within my own experience and I can try to understand oppression outside my experience. Feminism has been a gateway to other movements. Because of feminism, I learned about race and ethnicity issues, queer issues, disability issues, and many more. My eyes are a lot more open than they used to be. Sometimes I (still) have a kneejerk reaction to people pointing out my own icky race and/or gender residue, but I try to be open and listen and yes, I'm still at the listening stage in some ways.

okay, there is this meme. and I was thinking: can I really do this meme? I hide like a turtle and stay distant from a lot of people. I've gotten to where I only IM with like, 3 people, where I used to stay in touch with my flist really well. I've gotten hermit-like. I hardly ever even read my flist/circle anymore because it feels like pressure to participate and acknowledge people. I DON'T KNOW. WHAT AM I SAYING. so I will do this meme, and if I need help I will scour your journal and come up with the answers with research. so there. I can do this. I need to do this in order to function as a human being in fandom, right? maybe not that dire. but still. I should do this. making an effort is important.

Comment and I will ...

1. Tell you why I friended you. If I remember.
2. Associate you with something.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Associate you with a character/pairing.
6. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
7. Tell you my favorite userpic of yours.
8. Tell you that you must post this in your own journal.