green: parker in a maid's uniform and a saucy wink (leverage: parker winking)
previously, on Green's Personal Life:

our intrepid heroine started taking a new psych med that actually seems to work. depression has (for however long) lifted. med is expensive and likely will be unavailable in approx 5 weeks.

and now we present Green's Personal Life (Monday edition):

thought of the day — apparently being less depressed means I'm more likely to post. WOW.

ANYWAY. actual content:

dentist today, bill paid for by mom. cleaning and x-rays to see where we go from here.

before I tell you, I gotta say - being depressed and not taking care of yourself go hand in hand. it's HARD. it's legit difficult to smell non-offensive if you're really down, and brushing and flossing regularly has not even been on my to-do list. so while I'm kinda ashamed of letting it get this bad, let's all acknowledge the wide range of issues depression has an effect on. your social life suffers, your intellectual life, your creativity, your physical health, and SO MUCH MORE. I had an abscess for months and didn't get it checked out because I was too depressed and anxious to leave the house. Now that's been taken care of, but I still have so many cavities.

4 cavities are REALLY BAD. one is in a wisdom tooth and I'm getting that extracted. 3 are... I forget what they called it, but it's black fissures along the gumline. it's so gross, and embarrassing, and god I hope I can keep up with my oral hygiene once all this gets fixed.


Jun. 30th, 2015 10:49 am
green: parker in a maid's uniform and a saucy wink (leverage: parker winking)
ativan + percocet + quiet MRI = sleeping while being imaged

green: (the100: octavia mask)
vertigo flared up today. this usually only happens if I get really, stupidly upset and cry a lot. but I haven't, so I don't know what's up. gotta spend a lot of time in bed because moving = more vertigo and nausea. but it's even worse for my back. the laying around, I mean. so I don't know.

also today my period started up (a few hours after the vertigo arrived) so now I'm dealing with cramps on top of awful back pain and being unable to move my head certain ways without feeling like the world is tipping in alarming ways.

green: image of TOS Spock with text "Live Long & Prosper" (trek: LLAP)
putting this behind a cut because weight/body/food talk (plus "death/suicide is inevitable" thoughts)

small goal and baby steps )

STEP ONE: set a goal done!

p.s. yes I know I should discuss with my doc. but I don't have the money for an extra doc visit and didn't think of it on Monday, so I can't do that for a few months.
green: (stock: balloons)
I am now the proud owner of a brand new HEATING PAD! (cheaper than the sunbeam site says; I bought it for $29.84 from Walmart)

The one I've been using off and on for the past couple of years was given to me by my mom's ex-husband. It didn't have a brand on it anywhere, and it was vinyl with a cheap, thin snap cover. The closest I can find at the moment is like this one, though mine was much older. The main problem with heating pads like that is that they scrunch up and fold in on themselves, and I was constantly scared that it would short out like that.

Just the fact that the new one is NOT VINYL is a huge plus. The automatic timer (turns off after 2 hours) seemed annoying to me at first (though you can turn that feature off and make it stay on if you like), but it's probably a good thing. I do tend to leave the heating pad on for a long time and that could result in burning (though this model doesn't get as hot as the old one), so I'm going to try to use it for 2 hours, take a short break, then put it on for another 2 hours, and so on.

Some of the reviews I've read about this one state that they burn out over time. I really, really hope this isn't going to happen to mine since it took me ages to get a new one and if it stops working I'm going to be so fucked. The heating pad is the only thing that works besides the Percocet. :\

in other news: I wrote about 600 words today and plan to write more before bed. however, the words aren't on any of my WIPs, but for a totally different fic idea that popped into my head out of the blue today. well, not really. I started to write on a fic I'd abandoned almost 3 years ago, but once I wrote a few paragraphs thought of a totally different predicament this character could find himself in...
green: vector art zombie head (misc: zombie)
being sick sucks.

and apparently I'm just going to get worse.

on the up side, I wrote about 350 words last night right before I passed out from exhaustion and Percocet. yay me!
green: (leverage: pickpocket parker)
doctor appt set for august 4th. going to talk to him about the pain increase. not much we can do about it when I can't really afford another MRI or the cost of going back to the orthopedic place, and I definitely can't afford surgery, but at least it'll be on record and possibly help with my disability claim. eventually. maybe.
green: (labyrinth: dance with me)
It's pretty amazing that somehow after all this time, I've never actually made or used a 'physical health' tag. I have my 'my back hurts' tag, but nothing about any other physical complaints, just my pain. Huh.

But then I have to add the 'mental health' tag, because it's tied together.

VERTIGO, my friends, has come upon me once again. (not Hitchcock's kind)

I've had bouts of it over the years (the worst case of it I ever had was shortly after 9/11), and it's always because of some kind of upset in my emotions. If I cry too hard, BOOM, I get dizzy, and the dizziness might last for days. Usually it's manageable, but the previously mentioned 2001 case was debilitating. I could not move from my bed without assistance, and when I didn't get that assistance (thanks, asshole!) I ended up crawling on my knees to the bathroom in order to throw up. Nice, huh? (it should be mentioned that I was in my 3rd trimester and 9/11 was also Dad's bday, and he'd died a couple of months before. so there were many negative factors contributing to my state)

This time around, it's not nearly as bad. (and I am SO grateful for that!) But it has been going on for a few days now, and it isn't getting better.

If it gets any worse, I'll go to the doc and get some Antivert. Or tests. Or whatever. Sometimes it goes away on its own and I really don't have the money for another doctor visit this month. Or more meds. I know there are some exercises I can try at home to maybe lessen the problem, but UGH. They make you dizzy in order to make you less dizzy. I'm trying NOT to be dizzy, you know? :( I'm such a coward.


green: (Default)

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