hope is the thing with feathers

My 'you've got kudos!' email from AO3 this morning was massive. And I didn't even post to any main comms! I've still got to post the link to the teen wolf and sterek comms. But yay, for a shortish PWP I didn't think would get much readership, The Rites of Midnight is doing really well! (I think the main reason is because it's the most popular pairing in a huge fandom, but maybe part of it at least is that it's good?)

(But what I am REALLY excited about is my TW Hols fic. Which ... still hasn't been posted. Woessss.)

But my Secret Snarry Swap fic is doing really well, too. I will tell you a secret: I am in love with the response to my Snarry. Because it's in a journal entry (3 of them, really, on IJ, DW, and LJ) and has gotten comments. Actual comments with substance. And recs! After I'm revealed as the author I will tell you about the recs. Because it's so exciting! And all without my name attached to the fic, so it's anonymous squeeing and admiration for the writing and the plot and the characterizations and the SUBSTANCE of the fic. I'm not saying I'm posting all my fics anon from now on (that would drive me nuts! I want credit!) but there's something interesting about the response from people when they don't know who I am.(You can tell I don't do anon exchanges very often)

The icons are coming along well! People have suggested some really interesting characters. (FRANNIE VECCHIO) (chrome wants me to change Vechio to Lovechild. and then I realized it's Vecchio and it wants me to change it to Pinocchio. WHAT? *adds Vecchio to dictionary*)

I'm so nervous about the boys coming. I don't know how I'll handle 13 days with them. Well, I know I'll have Ativan, but I need ideas of things to do with them. I bought new video games (which means I'll have less money for food. oops.) and hopefully that will keep them happy. There will be cooking/baking they can do with me, but I think only Zach will enjoy that while DJ reads. Or whatever it is that DJ does while he's ignoring me/the world.

I wanted to do that fandom stocking thingy but I did not. I wanted to put my name and address in for people to send me cards, but I didn't do that, either. So now it's too late and I'm feeling down about not getting things.

OH. but nwhepcat sent me TWO cards. And wesleysgirl sent me a card with Snoopy on it! Which reminds me of Xander's Snoopy dance and makes me even happier. THANK YOU, GUYS.

I keep starting and deleting an 'about me' post. ( some stuff about me that's too boring to take up its own post - trigger warning for mention of abuse and suicidal thoughts )

so, yesterday I had a bad brain day and today I discovered, much to my DISMAY and SHAME, that I did not take my meds yesterday. *facepalm*

today I am watching Captain America again. It makes me happy. :D

I have to get up at 6:30 in the morning to get ready and then drive to Ft. Walton to Meg's regular neurologist. Ugh. DNW to get up so early. :(

My back was hurting so I took 2 Lortab and now I'm feeling NO pain whatsoever. In fact, I'm pretty stoned. The only problem with the Lortab is that it makes me itch. Don't ask me why, it's just a weird side effect. Itchy itchy itchy.

DJ is going home on Friday. I'll miss him, but he's pretty homesick.

I got on the scale yesterday and it said I've lost weight. Not just any weight, but twenty pounds. Now, to put that in perspective, I have gained fifty ever since being put on Abilify. The gain was a combination of the meds and unhealthy eating.

But now I've lost 20 of that, if I'm to trust my scale. Not entirely healthily, either. I only eat one meal a day and I smoke and drink coffee (big appetite suppressors) most of the day. I'm not snacking the way I was when I gained all that weight, but I'm not really eating healthily, either. I don't exercise. I want to join a gym, at least, or take walks, but the agoraphobia makes that a little iffy.

I feel GOOD, though. I don't know. I'm happy to have lost the weight and look forward to losing more, if this keeps up. I know I should be focused more on my health, but I just can't bring myself to care. It's not depression talking either, I just ... don't care that much. :\

Hi. I'm still alive.

The doctor put me on some new meds the other day: the T3 thyroid pill and lithium. I am tentatively declaring it the best thing that's happened to me all year.

In embarrassing news, I started smoking again. I feel really guilty about it. And I can't afford it.

I've been watching The West Wing for the first time. I'm on season 6 already because I've been mainlining it and not doing anything else except take care of Meg.

Still can't get Meg's seizures under control. We're taking her to Gainesville in about a month for a hospital stay and to get some new eyes on her case. Her main neurologist says she's the hardest case he's ever had.

My mom is having trouble with her heart. There's a lot of different things going on and she just got put on four medications in the past two weeks. On top of that she has to have her gall bladder out. Normally it's a pretty easy procedure, but with the heart problems there's increased risk of course.

The boys are coming for Thanksgiving. I've missed them so much but I'm worried I won't be able to handle the stress.

I'm sorry for isolating so much. The depression gets so bad I can't see or feel anything in front of me.

Went to the doctor today because I've been sleeping so much. He prescribed a new drug called Pristiq for the depression. I hope it works.

I really don't have much to say because instead of doing things, I've been sleeping. :\