green: (leverage: ot3)
I finally had an appointment with the ortho clinic! I was three minutes late for it, but I made it!

...and then I was informed my provider had a family emergency and so I'd need to make a new appointment.

At this rate, my back is never getting fixed. :P

New appointment is for the 26th. If anyone's keeping track.


I'm writing so much lately! Monday I wrote 3k words. THREE THOUSAND. How awesome is that?
green: (Default)
I'm doing pretty well. The medications I'm on have been good. I'm finally scheduled to see someone about my back.

DJ still isn't talking to me, but he graduated on Sunday. I was able to watch via live feed. He's signed up to go into the Air Force for 6 years. They want him for NASA or intelligence, they told him. I don't know if we can trust them, but I guess we'll see.

I miss him a lot.

My relationship with Zachary is really good though. We talk all the time, text and Facetime, and I try to support him no matter what his current passion is. It was drawing for awhile, which I could really get behind, but now he seems to be leaning more toward... gardening? I don't even know.

Meg was falling down a lot until we got to the doctor and he figured out it was vertigo from allergies. We got her on a new antihistamine and she's stopped falling.

As for me, other than the YAY MEDS working, I've been writing a lot. Unfortunately, everything I write is super long so I'm not actually posting much.

I probably left a lot out, so if you have a question just ask. I'd love some interaction.


Jun. 30th, 2015 10:49 am
green: parker in a maid's uniform and a saucy wink (leverage: parker winking)
ativan + percocet + quiet MRI = sleeping while being imaged

green: (the100: octavia mask)
vertigo flared up today. this usually only happens if I get really, stupidly upset and cry a lot. but I haven't, so I don't know what's up. gotta spend a lot of time in bed because moving = more vertigo and nausea. but it's even worse for my back. the laying around, I mean. so I don't know.

also today my period started up (a few hours after the vertigo arrived) so now I'm dealing with cramps on top of awful back pain and being unable to move my head certain ways without feeling like the world is tipping in alarming ways.

green: image of TOS Spock with text "Live Long & Prosper" (trek: LLAP)
putting this behind a cut because weight/body/food talk (plus "death/suicide is inevitable" thoughts)

small goal and baby steps )

STEP ONE: set a goal done!

p.s. yes I know I should discuss with my doc. but I don't have the money for an extra doc visit and didn't think of it on Monday, so I can't do that for a few months.
green: (stock: balloons)
I am now the proud owner of a brand new HEATING PAD! (cheaper than the sunbeam site says; I bought it for $29.84 from Walmart)

The one I've been using off and on for the past couple of years was given to me by my mom's ex-husband. It didn't have a brand on it anywhere, and it was vinyl with a cheap, thin snap cover. The closest I can find at the moment is like this one, though mine was much older. The main problem with heating pads like that is that they scrunch up and fold in on themselves, and I was constantly scared that it would short out like that.

Just the fact that the new one is NOT VINYL is a huge plus. The automatic timer (turns off after 2 hours) seemed annoying to me at first (though you can turn that feature off and make it stay on if you like), but it's probably a good thing. I do tend to leave the heating pad on for a long time and that could result in burning (though this model doesn't get as hot as the old one), so I'm going to try to use it for 2 hours, take a short break, then put it on for another 2 hours, and so on.

Some of the reviews I've read about this one state that they burn out over time. I really, really hope this isn't going to happen to mine since it took me ages to get a new one and if it stops working I'm going to be so fucked. The heating pad is the only thing that works besides the Percocet. :\

in other news: I wrote about 600 words today and plan to write more before bed. however, the words aren't on any of my WIPs, but for a totally different fic idea that popped into my head out of the blue today. well, not really. I started to write on a fic I'd abandoned almost 3 years ago, but once I wrote a few paragraphs thought of a totally different predicament this character could find himself in...
green: (leverage: pickpocket parker)
doctor appt set for august 4th. going to talk to him about the pain increase. not much we can do about it when I can't really afford another MRI or the cost of going back to the orthopedic place, and I definitely can't afford surgery, but at least it'll be on record and possibly help with my disability claim. eventually. maybe.
green: (stock: bears!)
taking meg to get her casts off later today.

I think I'm getting sick.

also, the whole back pain thing is getting REALLY OLD.

other than Leverage, I am without a fandom at the moment. it's an unsteady, uncomfortable, unstable feeling. it also means I am more likely/vulnerable to be pulled into new fandoms... so if you were waiting for the right moment to pull out your biggest guns, now would be the time.

but I'm playing Fallout: New Vegas at the moment.

(I still have unanswered comments in my inbox and a bunch of snowflake days to do. will get to them eventually.)
green: (stock: balloons)

my back hurts, so I'm in pain a lot and then if I take my pain meds I can't sleep. I have a feeling I just told you all this recently, but it has to be said again. my sleep schedule is all kinds of fucked up from the Percocet messing with me, but if I don't take it I'm in so much pain it doesn't matter.

so I got very little sleep last night, and all day I was grumpy, but mom insisted on talking to me. the more she talked, the grumpier I got.

one thing I did today was turn the ringer off the phone. the land line, since I have no cell.

but anyway, hopefully I'll be able to get some sleep tonight. if not... idk, you guys.


(tons of comments and emails to answer, but I just can't do it right now.)
green: (breakfast club: ally sheedy)
how do people more north than I am deal with this cold weather shit all the time? my back is killing me.

and I live in a mobile home with thin walls! and crappy insulation! and I can't get to the pipes under the house in order to protect them from bursting. the pipes outside have been wrapped with insulation, though.

DID I MENTION THE PAIN IN MY BACK? I'm going to run out of Percocet mid-month or sooner at the rate I'm taking them.
green: (torchwood: jack/ianto kiss)
still alive. *waves* I don't know why I'm still isolating, since the irritability stage has blown over. maybe I got into a rut.

I was reading SGA fic, but then somehow I got started reading Torchwood fic and now I seem to be addicted to Jack/Ianto fixits. :D?

In a lot of pain but I'm trying to ignore it.
green: (Default)
am busy making worldbuilding notes for my nano fic. so excited! :D

back pain was really bad today. :(

where should I post my nano fic as I go along?
green: (Default)
1. taking meg back to the orthopedist today. not the 2 1/2 hour drive place, but to the 1 hr drive clinic he attends. thank goodness it's the shorter distance one. I haven't been sleeping well and driving to frickin' PENSACOLA was not going to happen today.

2. sleep? pfft.

3. pain! it is not cold yet (the weather here is actually quite nice for a change) nor is it raining. but my back feels like I'm in the middle of a hurricane. and it's not just in one spot, either. it's ... ugh. everywhere. back and spine and hip and legs. :( still not so bad that I want to risk scary surgery, though. but that's just me being a wuss, I think.

4. pain pills! not only does Percocet make me itch uncontrollably, but it's giving me insomnia all of a sudden. this is a relatively new side effect for me.
green: (bandom: gerard scream)
meds are ripping my stomach to shreds
the weather is doing weird things to my back (ow)
I have bills... coming out of my ears
still can't leave the house, jfc wtf

if anyone wants to help with my electric bill, which is out of control (mobile home, because of the A/C, must keep meg cool for seizure reasons), PM me? it's $160 and I can't afford it (and they don't take paypal)

OR if you wanna help out with the gas/meg & me doc appt stuff, which is eating us up, paypal works.

or if you have tips on getting my meds to stop making me run to the bathroom all day, those are appreciated, too! \o/ (I've been trying to eat, but my appetite is gone as well, so a few mouthfuls of yogurt are all I'm getting down during the day)

I feel like a creep.
green: (Default)
got the paperwork today: mom and I are officially guardian advocates for meg. \o/ (this is a weird thing we had to do in order to keep control of meg's medical decisions and the like once she turns 18) there are still some classes we have to go to, and we have to do some kind of report every year about what meg's doing and what we're doing for her, but that's cool.

my back huuuuuuuurts. it's raining today. that's probably why.

last night I slept like crap. woke up at 4am and was up for awhile. went back to bed around 6am and slept until 8:30. strange happenings.

I am conflicted over whether or not to go through with my werewolfbigbang fic. it's idfic and I'm not sure if I want others to read it. it's... not that good.

the good news is that the rough draft is done and I can send it in if I decide to. I have one other fic I could possibly send in (instead of the idfic) if I wrote about 5k more words on it in order to have it finished enough for rough draft submission. I dunno if I can, since my writing mojo is virtually gone for the time being.
green: (Default)
finals are over! \o/

I have TONS to do before the new year. the boys are supposed to come tomorrow for a day or so, but it's still iffy. I can never tell with my ex whether something is actually going to happen.

I had PT today and it didn't hurt as bad as the first two times. yay!
green: (Default)

Cycle of Souls, or at least the first part, is now available in Russian!

The lovely masha_kami came to me and wanted to translate it, and wow, that is so awesome! \o/


I had PT today, and it hurts. I also had an English essay. And my final is on Monday for that class. Wheeeee.

Have I mentioned that I'm probably not going to school next semester? :\ If I get an appointment with an adviser I might. UGH SO MUCH STUFF GOING ON.

anyway. so stressed. bye.


Dec. 1st, 2011 10:10 am
green: (Default)
will not be getting pain relief any time soon. doc won't give me the good drugs. going to pain management next month, though, and hopefully THEY will help me. I mean, I can't sleep at night because if I roll a little I'm in pain. UGH. it's not like I would take them every day, just when it flares up. UGH. anyway, I have a really fucked up disc and that's what's wrong. he's giving me 6 weeks of physical therapy before we look at surgery, but surgery seems to be a real option at this point.

thank you for helping me. if you didn't see my post last night, I'm having money issues and could really use some help. my paypal email is


green: (Default)

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