hope is the thing with feathers

This pandemic bullshit has really affected me creatively but I'm clawing my way back. I had a productive chat with a friend about my book yesterday, and today I wrote 1175 words of my FTH Sterek fic.

Mom broke her toe and refuses to stay off it. She keeps *doing* things. At this rate, it will never heal.

edit: I almost forgot. I'm cleaning my room. it's gonna be a huge endeavor so wish me luck. so far I've thrown away 2 garbage bags worth of stuff and filled 3 large boxes full of clothes for the thrift shop. I bought a new rug to keep me motivated.

This is the second time I've made this recipe for crock pot split pea soup in a couple of weeks. It's soooo good and I can't wait to eat it up again. The recipe makes a lot, so I have tons left over, and the leftovers are even better than the just-made, which is pretty damned good, too.

There are a couple of changes to the recipe I've made: no marjoram, no thyme, no bay leaf. pretty sure you could leave out the ham for a veg or kosher variety. it's the PEAS that make it. And the veggies (and the little bit of garlic). Oh, also, I cook it on HIGH for about four hours, then low until it's time to eat. So all in all it takes less time to cook that way (about 6 hours total, shaves off 2-4 hours?) than the recipe says, and it's just fine that way.

Anyway, some people run their pea soup through the food processor when they're done to get it to a creamier consistency. I just use the potato masher on it all after it's all cooked and it's mostly creamy that way without dirtying another appliance.

Today is CABIN PRESSURE DAY. \o/ I hope mom doesn't talk to me today so I can chat on gtalk about it. Mom is sewing. She sews at the kitchen table when she's not sewing in the living room. Close enough to talk to me. ALL. DAY.

She's not saying anything negative about ME! She's not sniping at ME! She's just talking about ... stupid shit. Obama. Gun control and how it's of the devil — or Obama, which is the same thing to her. How this quilt is different from the last quilt. How her ex husband won't stop calling her (even though she does nothing to dissuade him). How because of abortion, the population is going to dip, and therefore there will be no one to take care of the old folks, and they're going to institutionalize mandatory euthanasia eventually anyway. Everything that's wrong with Desmond Tutu. How Glenn Beck wants to start a theme park (the theme being Liberty) with its own commune (Which is too hippie-ish for Mom). How she uses the ironing board and the presser foot backwards (I don't even know what she's talking about). The crazies (except that people listen to them) who yell that "the Jews" are behind 9/11 (We agree on something! Those people are vile).

Which reminds me: I have no idea what's going on with the elections in Israel. ( in which I ramble about Israeli politics. and I do mean ramble. )

OKAY. So. There's a Knesset. It has 120 seats. Likud still fills the majority of the seats, but they lost a lot in this election, too. There are a 'record number' of women in this Knesset. (5 more, the grand total being 26)

I still don't understand fully, but I get the gist. Israeli politics are a bit (a bit!) confusing. I think it's because of the BILLION parties.

am rewatching avengers today

mom is tormenting me with a houseplant. for weeks she's threatened to move it closer to my chair, and today she made good on it. so now I have ( this thing )

on the table next to me. wtf, mom. it's like a tentacle monster. and not the sexy kind.

made an appointment to see my doc. he had a cancellation so I get to see him tomorrow morning. maybe we can try something new. or maybe he'll put me in the hospital, idk. I really am doing better now though. the weekend was really bad but I'm not having as many intrusive thoughts and suicidal ideations. I'm thinking of calling my therapist too, just to give her a heads up. I just don't want to bother her. but it's her job, I know. I know! I just feel so insignificant like what I'm going through isn't important. also, my mom is still pissed off at me for being depressed because ... idk. she's depressed too and somethingsomething blah blah why don't I talk to her blah blah.

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life is pretty sucky lately.

No, seriously, I found a female friend in real life! She came over yesterday and we talked for HOURS upon HOURS. We're a lot alike in some ways and complete opposites in others, which I think will be good. Her name is Nicca.

In not good news, my mom is pissed at me for weird mom reasons. Hopefully she will be over it by Monday when she comes home from work.

Writing is going slooooowly. I finished my two prompts for GML, though. \o/

I am out of sugar for my coffee. This is not good.

Mom is acting weird today. She's really depressed and keeps talking about dying. I don't think she's suicidal or anything, just depressed. I don't know what to do for her.