hope is the thing with feathers

thanks to people being very kind and chipping in, I was able to get more groceries today and I was able to buy a few packs of pull-ups for Meg in the brand/size/style that actually works for her. maybe before they are gone, her support coordinator will have this mess fixed and she can get them the way she's supposed to, with Medicaid paying.

but omg, thank you thank you thank you

Today is Meg's 23rd birthday.

I made a cake. It's chocolate with peanut butter frosting. All from scratch because those are the best.

I haven't heard more from my ex yet, so I'm assuming he'll get over his plague soon and bring my boy to me.

Thank you so much for the paypal & ko-fi you guys sent my way, it's going toward me having a good holiday with my family. I don't quite have enough yet to pay for the gas and hotel, but I'm getting there.

OH OH OH

I keep seeing people either new to Dreamwidth or newly returned to DW asking about where to get icons. There are some active icons communities here like icons and fandom_icons plus some icon challenge communities - iconthat for one. BUT...

Leave me a nice pic (please nothing blurry or too small) and I will make you an icon. Or two or three. Happy holidays!


EDIT: you don't have to be in my circle to request icons. If you're seeing this on your Network page, it's fine to leave a comment/pic/request.

tis the season to be a financial ruin
-buy one more thing for zach so he gets more than 2 books
-buy a bday gift for meg (no idea what)
-food, and lots of it

fannish
-finish installing vid editing programs
-organize pinboard (tag bundles, retag and add tags)
-post those last few old S/X fics to AO3
-do more with recs tumblr
-write moar & whine less about Inception fic

non-fannish hobbies
-organize recipes on pinboard
-do more with food tumblr
-come up with a plan of attack for downloaded but unread books and comics

(list currently under construction)

taking meg to get her casts off later today.

I think I'm getting sick.

also, the whole back pain thing is getting REALLY OLD.

other than Leverage, I am without a fandom at the moment. it's an unsteady, uncomfortable, unstable feeling. it also means I am more likely/vulnerable to be pulled into new fandoms... so if you were waiting for the right moment to pull out your biggest guns, now would be the time.

but I'm playing Fallout: New Vegas at the moment.

(I still have unanswered comments in my inbox and a bunch of snowflake days to do. will get to them eventually.)

1. taking meg back to the orthopedist today. not the 2 1/2 hour drive place, but to the 1 hr drive clinic he attends. thank goodness it's the shorter distance one. I haven't been sleeping well and driving to frickin' PENSACOLA was not going to happen today.

2. sleep? pfft.

3. pain! it is not cold yet (the weather here is actually quite nice for a change) nor is it raining. but my back feels like I'm in the middle of a hurricane. and it's not just in one spot, either. it's ... ugh. everywhere. back and spine and hip and legs. :( still not so bad that I want to risk scary surgery, though. but that's just me being a wuss, I think.

4. pain pills! not only does Percocet make me itch uncontrollably, but it's giving me insomnia all of a sudden. this is a relatively new side effect for me.

got the paperwork today: mom and I are officially guardian advocates for meg. \o/ (this is a weird thing we had to do in order to keep control of meg's medical decisions and the like once she turns 18) there are still some classes we have to go to, and we have to do some kind of report every year about what meg's doing and what we're doing for her, but that's cool.

my back huuuuuuuurts. it's raining today. that's probably why.

last night I slept like crap. woke up at 4am and was up for awhile. went back to bed around 6am and slept until 8:30. strange happenings.

I am conflicted over whether or not to go through with my werewolfbigbang fic. it's idfic and I'm not sure if I want others to read it. it's... not that good.

the good news is that the rough draft is done and I can send it in if I decide to. I have one other fic I could possibly send in (instead of the idfic) if I wrote about 5k more words on it in order to have it finished enough for rough draft submission. I dunno if I can, since my writing mojo is virtually gone for the time being.

My 'you've got kudos!' email from AO3 this morning was massive. And I didn't even post to any main comms! I've still got to post the link to the teen wolf and sterek comms. But yay, for a shortish PWP I didn't think would get much readership, The Rites of Midnight is doing really well! (I think the main reason is because it's the most popular pairing in a huge fandom, but maybe part of it at least is that it's good?)

(But what I am REALLY excited about is my TW Hols fic. Which ... still hasn't been posted. Woessss.)

But my Secret Snarry Swap fic is doing really well, too. I will tell you a secret: I am in love with the response to my Snarry. Because it's in a journal entry (3 of them, really, on IJ, DW, and LJ) and has gotten comments. Actual comments with substance. And recs! After I'm revealed as the author I will tell you about the recs. Because it's so exciting! And all without my name attached to the fic, so it's anonymous squeeing and admiration for the writing and the plot and the characterizations and the SUBSTANCE of the fic. I'm not saying I'm posting all my fics anon from now on (that would drive me nuts! I want credit!) but there's something interesting about the response from people when they don't know who I am.(You can tell I don't do anon exchanges very often)

The icons are coming along well! People have suggested some really interesting characters. (FRANNIE VECCHIO) (chrome wants me to change Vechio to Lovechild. and then I realized it's Vecchio and it wants me to change it to Pinocchio. WHAT? *adds Vecchio to dictionary*)

I'm so nervous about the boys coming. I don't know how I'll handle 13 days with them. Well, I know I'll have Ativan, but I need ideas of things to do with them. I bought new video games (which means I'll have less money for food. oops.) and hopefully that will keep them happy. There will be cooking/baking they can do with me, but I think only Zach will enjoy that while DJ reads. Or whatever it is that DJ does while he's ignoring me/the world.

I wanted to do that fandom stocking thingy but I did not. I wanted to put my name and address in for people to send me cards, but I didn't do that, either. So now it's too late and I'm feeling down about not getting things.

OH. but nwhepcat sent me TWO cards. And wesleysgirl sent me a card with Snoopy on it! Which reminds me of Xander's Snoopy dance and makes me even happier. THANK YOU, GUYS.

I keep starting and deleting an 'about me' post. ( some stuff about me that's too boring to take up its own post - trigger warning for mention of abuse and suicidal thoughts )

my dragon big bang is now affectionately called "OMG WHERE DID THAT PLOT TWIST COME FROM?" and is about 14,200 words long and growing by the day.

did I mention I'm supposed to be going back to school? if everything works out and I don't freak too badly, I'll be starting back January 7th. I have mixed feelings. Last time I went to school I lost touch with fannishness and didn't write anything or make icons or art or anything like that. :(

speaking of art, I downloaded inkscape. now, I'm an Illustrator girl, but this wee computer won't tolerate Illy. so i'm giving inkscape a try. hmmmm. let's see what I come up with. I have Sterek art planned. \o/? but first I have to relearn an entirely new program with different features, extra features, and in some cases less features. I'm going to be going through some basic tutorials in order to learn, which is how I learned Illy. Tuts+ has a slew of Illy tutorials but precious few for Inkscape. I don't know, you guys. NEW GROUND TO COVER.

so. writing. school. art. um, what else?

well, an update on meg, I guess. she's not doing too well. we keep juggling her meds hoping a new cocktail or different dosages will somehow jar her out of this seizure problem of hers, but since she's been having them for fifteen years, our hopes aren't too high. it's been almost a year since she got worse and while she's gained a little ground since we changed back to the original neurologist, she's still having two types of seizures -- one where she drops her head, drools, and shakes, and the other where she contorts and grunts. they're definitely seizures and have been caught on EEG and marked as such, so yeah. and it's just the meds we have as an option; the other options most people with intractable epilepsy have just aren't for meg. (please don't state your case for the diet or the VNS or surgery. we know the options and have weighed them against meg's happiness and well-being for YEARS.)

ugh, well, that was fun.

meg is doing better with the change of meds. well, mostly. today she's not so good. crying a lot. :\

I've been doing nothing but reading fic since I finished The End of Sorrow. I'd rather be writing. I love fic, and it's good to be able to read again (for so long I couldn't concentrate on it), but I'd rather be creating something.

Agoraphobia sucks.

I have another MRI tomorrow. My neck, this time.

That's all, I think.