green: image of TOS Spock with text "Live Long & Prosper" (trek: LLAP)
* I had my disability hearing in August and my attorney assured me it went well. I will find out whether or not I'm approved some time in the next 4 months or so.

* went to dentist for exam. abscess was confirmed. choices were given. panic attack was had. appointment for root canal scheduled.

* have been off and on doing vid-type things. mostly thinking about vidding and then converting source.

* finished watching all of Hannibal. that show sucks you in and twists your brain. I read maybe 3 fics before deciding the fandom wasn't for me.

* bouncing around other fandoms for reading. Teen Wolf (Stiles/Peter), MCU (Bucky/Tony), any Highlander (as long as it involves Methos) crossover ever, and Inception (Arthur/Eames) still my favorites at the moment. Though I am following a couple SGA WIPs somewhat religiously.

* ...I just ran out of steam. I wanted to say more in this update but bleugh. :\

to do list

Apr. 25th, 2015 01:30 pm
green: (Default)

  • mother's day gift for mom

  • brave the wilds of Winn-Dixie for food


  • Work on Turtles (Inception fic)

  • organize pinboard

  • compile some recs for Tumblr

  • vid! (tentative plan is for a Labyrinth vid)

  • watch the rest of Daredevil

green: (buffy: willow/tara)
This morning I started thinking how much I wish I could make Mom happy with the religion stuff. I started thinking about how she's 70 now, and her health isn't stellar, and how maybe one day I'll regret not at least going to church with her sometimes. But just the thought of setting foot in a Christian church again, and a Free Will Baptist church at that, makes me sick to my stomach.

Read more... )
green: (labyrinth: dance with me)
It's pretty amazing that somehow after all this time, I've never actually made or used a 'physical health' tag. I have my 'my back hurts' tag, but nothing about any other physical complaints, just my pain. Huh.

But then I have to add the 'mental health' tag, because it's tied together.

VERTIGO, my friends, has come upon me once again. (not Hitchcock's kind)

I've had bouts of it over the years (the worst case of it I ever had was shortly after 9/11), and it's always because of some kind of upset in my emotions. If I cry too hard, BOOM, I get dizzy, and the dizziness might last for days. Usually it's manageable, but the previously mentioned 2001 case was debilitating. I could not move from my bed without assistance, and when I didn't get that assistance (thanks, asshole!) I ended up crawling on my knees to the bathroom in order to throw up. Nice, huh? (it should be mentioned that I was in my 3rd trimester and 9/11 was also Dad's bday, and he'd died a couple of months before. so there were many negative factors contributing to my state)

This time around, it's not nearly as bad. (and I am SO grateful for that!) But it has been going on for a few days now, and it isn't getting better.

If it gets any worse, I'll go to the doc and get some Antivert. Or tests. Or whatever. Sometimes it goes away on its own and I really don't have the money for another doctor visit this month. Or more meds. I know there are some exercises I can try at home to maybe lessen the problem, but UGH. They make you dizzy in order to make you less dizzy. I'm trying NOT to be dizzy, you know? :( I'm such a coward.
green: (breakfast club: ally sheedy)
how do people more north than I am deal with this cold weather shit all the time? my back is killing me.

and I live in a mobile home with thin walls! and crappy insulation! and I can't get to the pipes under the house in order to protect them from bursting. the pipes outside have been wrapped with insulation, though.

DID I MENTION THE PAIN IN MY BACK? I'm going to run out of Percocet mid-month or sooner at the rate I'm taking them.
green: (stock: tired)
I have good news and bad news, only the bad news is so bad that it's the only thing I really care about right now.

But I will start with the good news. My appeal was approved, and I can go back to school in the Spring.

bad news )


Oct. 7th, 2010 03:10 pm
green: (stock: tired)
I'm on financial aid suspension. Unless I come up with a damned good appeal, I'm not going back to school.

I don't know what to do. I've been wrapped up and looking forward to going back to school for months. I started going back to therapy just so I could get over the agoraphobia enough to attend classes. And now I might not even be able to go? This is such bullshit.

And I don't have a good enough excuse for my appeal. They want something like a physical disability or death in the family. :((((((
green: (stock: fitness)
I went to the post office! I am now the proud owner of a plain black corset. Pics to come, as soon as I get someone to take pics of me in it. (either Adam or T)

I went to Game Stop! I bought a wireless adapter for the xbox and three months of xbox live gold. I came home and signed up for netflix, so now I have streaming movies directly to my TV! \o/

I went to the grocery store! I bought all kinds of fresh produce and healthy food.

diet & exercise )

to do

Jul. 18th, 2010 09:32 pm
green: (sga: teyla)
1. go to post office and pick up corset
2. go to comcast and drop off cable box & remote and get basic
3. go to the grocery store and get food for the week
4. sign up for netflix
5. sign up for xbox live gold and figure out how to work it (edit: I need to buy a wireless n adapter from game stop, so add that to places I have to go)
6. exercise

I can do all that, right?
green: (true blood: pam closeup)
1. Personal hygiene! this is a big thing for me. since being depressed, I slacked off on basic daily hygiene like bathing and tooth brushing. I've gotten better at this, but would like to make it a daily occurrence.

2. Quit smoking. I don't know if this should be under long term or short term goals, but since I'm working on it now, I should add it here, I think.

3. Do more housework. Mom does the majority of the housework around here, and LIKES doing it for the most part, but I need to pick up some of the slack. She's retiring at the end of the month and I should do things to make her retirement less like work. This includes doing my own laundry and washing the dishes.

4. Eat right and exercise. The long term goal is to lose weight and get in shape, but I am going to start small by eating smaller meals more frequently, watching my calorie intake, and being more active.

5. Therapy. This is related to the long term goals I have, like going to school, becoming more socially active, overcoming anxiety, etc. But those things have to start with therapy. I have gone to my intake evaluation and hopefully they will match me up with a good therapist soon and I can start.

Those are my short term goals. I will make another post with my long term goals when I can.
green: (Default)
I feel like so much is happening in my life right now, but actually, most of it is just going on in my head. BUT. It has to happen in my head before it happens in real life, right? Well, it does for me. I need to think about things before I do them.

I posted my goal list the other day, and I just want to add two things to it:

Couch to 5k.

Quit smoking.

That is all! If anyone is interested in doing the same, I would love to have a support person who is going through the same thing!

I will try not to do both at once. That would be too stressful. But in six months I want to be smoke-free and at least able to walk 5k.


Jul. 1st, 2010 11:57 am
green: (Default)
1. Go back to therapy to learn coping mechanisms for dealing with the anxiety and agoraphobia.
2. Apply for disability in the meantime.
3. Go back to school.
4. Write. Write like the wind!
5. Get a job. Get off disability.
6. Keep writing.

This is what I want to do with my life. It kind of depends on how well therapy goes, and if the techniques I learn actually work to help me overcome my anxiety.

Also, I should add quit smoking to my list of goals. It is a short term and ongoing goal though, along with going to the gym (if I can get out of the house, omg) and getting in better shape. Exercise should help with the anxiety.

I don't want to do too much at once, so I'm starting with therapy and the gym. Today I filled out a referral form for the therapy place. Deep breaths.
green: (stock: sky)
HEY. I need to talk to someone about female submission with a male dominant. I has questions and I don't even know where to start.

If any of you are knowledgeable on the subject, please email me at anthony.melissa AT I would prefer speaking with someone who identifies as female.


green: (Default)

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