hope is the thing with feathers

I haven't made a RL update since June, where I said OMG I GOT A NEW COMPUTER. (The new computer is still lovely. I really adore it. It's a Lenovo.)

The summer was good. Zach came but for a shorter visit than usual since we got a later start on it. He got a girlfriend in Spring and they were inseparable for awhile. They've recently broken up, I THINK.

( zach's politics )

So he'll be coming soon for holidays and I feel like I should be doing some last-minute studying so I can kinda wheedle him into better political stances but we'll see.

OH LEMME TELL YOU ABOUT THE BIG EVENT OF THE YEAR: HURRICANE MICHAEL! ( it all went wacky for awhile )

BUT THAT WAS OCTOBER. November went much better. I wrote about 18k, and then I discovered AC Odyssey, and that's been it ever since.

RL:

• mother's day gift for mom


• brave the wilds of Winn-Dixie for food

Fannish:

• Work on Turtles (Inception fic)


• organize pinboard


• compile some recs for Tumblr


• vid! (tentative plan is for a Labyrinth vid)


• watch the rest of Daredevil

It's pretty amazing that somehow after all this time, I've never actually made or used a 'physical health' tag. I have my 'my back hurts' tag, but nothing about any other physical complaints, just my pain. Huh.

But then I have to add the 'mental health' tag, because it's tied together.

VERTIGO, my friends, has come upon me once again. (not Hitchcock's kind)

I've had bouts of it over the years (the worst case of it I ever had was shortly after 9/11), and it's always because of some kind of upset in my emotions. If I cry too hard, BOOM, I get dizzy, and the dizziness might last for days. Usually it's manageable, but the previously mentioned 2001 case was debilitating. I could not move from my bed without assistance, and when I didn't get that assistance (thanks, asshole!) I ended up crawling on my knees to the bathroom in order to throw up. Nice, huh? (it should be mentioned that I was in my 3rd trimester and 9/11 was also Dad's bday, and he'd died a couple of months before. so there were many negative factors contributing to my state)

This time around, it's not nearly as bad. (and I am SO grateful for that!) But it has been going on for a few days now, and it isn't getting better.

If it gets any worse, I'll go to the doc and get some Antivert. Or tests. Or whatever. Sometimes it goes away on its own and I really don't have the money for another doctor visit this month. Or more meds. I know there are some exercises I can try at home to maybe lessen the problem, but UGH. They make you dizzy in order to make you less dizzy. I'm trying NOT to be dizzy, you know? :( I'm such a coward.

I have good news and bad news, only the bad news is so bad that it's the only thing I really care about right now.

But I will start with the good news. My appeal was approved, and I can go back to school in the Spring.

( bad news )

I went to the post office! I am now the proud owner of a plain black corset. Pics to come, as soon as I get someone to take pics of me in it. (either Adam or T)

I went to Game Stop! I bought a wireless adapter for the xbox and three months of xbox live gold. I came home and signed up for netflix, so now I have streaming movies directly to my TV! \o/

I went to the grocery store! I bought all kinds of fresh produce and healthy food.

( diet & exercise )

1. Personal hygiene! this is a big thing for me. since being depressed, I slacked off on basic daily hygiene like bathing and tooth brushing. I've gotten better at this, but would like to make it a daily occurrence.

2. Quit smoking. I don't know if this should be under long term or short term goals, but since I'm working on it now, I should add it here, I think.

3. Do more housework. Mom does the majority of the housework around here, and LIKES doing it for the most part, but I need to pick up some of the slack. She's retiring at the end of the month and I should do things to make her retirement less like work. This includes doing my own laundry and washing the dishes.

4. Eat right and exercise. The long term goal is to lose weight and get in shape, but I am going to start small by eating smaller meals more frequently, watching my calorie intake, and being more active.

5. Therapy. This is related to the long term goals I have, like going to school, becoming more socially active, overcoming anxiety, etc. But those things have to start with therapy. I have gone to my intake evaluation and hopefully they will match me up with a good therapist soon and I can start.


Those are my short term goals. I will make another post with my long term goals when I can.

1. Go back to therapy to learn coping mechanisms for dealing with the anxiety and agoraphobia.
2. Apply for disability in the meantime.
3. Go back to school.
4. Write. Write like the wind!
5. Get a job. Get off disability.
6. Keep writing.

This is what I want to do with my life. It kind of depends on how well therapy goes, and if the techniques I learn actually work to help me overcome my anxiety.

Also, I should add quit smoking to my list of goals. It is a short term and ongoing goal though, along with going to the gym (if I can get out of the house, omg) and getting in better shape. Exercise should help with the anxiety.

I don't want to do too much at once, so I'm starting with therapy and the gym. Today I filled out a referral form for the therapy place. Deep breaths.