snowflake challenge #3

[green]

In your own space, talk about a fannish opinion you hold that has changed over time.

OMG FRIENDS. I tried to write a post about how my holier-than-thou attitude has changed and it ended up being a long 'I'm so much better than THESE fans' post! I guess I have a ways to go.

Oopsie.

Starting over:

I wasn't always kind. I used to bash ships or characters. I still do somewhat but only among likeminded people or clearly tagged and I never do it TO FANS like 'omg you suck because you like X'. I used to do that. It's been awhile but the line was very blurry for me.

I used to have a lot of incorrect stances and I was loud about it. I don't even remember what half of those opinions were. I feel bad for souring anyone's fannish enjoyment. I wasn't always a positive ray of sunshine! I'm still not but I try. I used to join communities that were kinda close-knit but negative toward others. So-called 'elite' communities for art. Or for 'better' fanfiction. But I always ended up burned because sooner or later those groups would combust as we turned on each other. There's only so much negativity you can share before every interaction becomes catty and mean.

As I've gotten more (*ahem*) mature, I've learned to seek out positivity in fandom, and to curate my experience. I always want people to like me, so sometimes I do get dragged into negativity still. But I TRY to stay away from it.

Wow, this one really is a CHALLENGE.

Comments

[teaotter]

It really is a hard question!

[green]

It is! The first time I tried to answer, it devolved into a rant about people wanting their ships to be canon and how it can sour the fannish experience but I was like nahhhh lol

[sisterdivinium]

I think a lot of us can find ourselves gathering around negativity because, really, negativity is so easy as opposed to kindness. Finding reasons to pick on someone or laugh at them is so much more easier than the vulnerability of feeling empathy towards them and treating them with respect -- not to mention just how much general society tends to view mockery as "fun" and "cool" whereas kindness is itself mocked as something suckers (or only religious people...) do.

Of course sometimes there are things that make us angry or upset or whatever (Tumblr knows I have a couple of ships I irrationally dislike blacklisted, LOL) but as long as we're not attacking people for it or, worse, basing our fun on making them feel miserable, that's quite the step up. Nobody is perfect and no one can really stand being all heart emojis all the time (nor should we have to) but just aiming to be kinder and more understanding is a lot already! <3

[green]

Very well said. I don't think I have anything to add!

[rekishi]

I see you ❤

[green]

💚💚💚

[lunabee34]

That's awesome. I think growth is fantastic and it's so hard to recognize where you need to grow.

[green]

It is! I try not to be as judgemental as my mother but sometimes it just happens! :P I'm working on it.

[majoukoufu]

I wasn't deep into any of those comms, but "sooner or later those groups would combust as we turned on each other. There's only so much negativity you can share before every interaction becomes catty and mean" - yeah. I joined some circles that were formed mostly by negative definition (fans of X show who don't like most-popular-character Y, etc), and there was a pretty high rate of them turning on themselves over little things instead of being a community focused on fanworks about the unpopular characters or such. Focusing on shared loves seems to work a lot better for making an enjoyable experience.

[green]

Definitely focusing on appreciating something in particular rather than hating on something works much better. I understand frustrations when one character or ship seems to take over a fandom and you don't like it, but the ship and let ship attitude is good to keep. :)

[majoukoufu]

Yeah, I've definitely calmed down about when I like a rare character or pair compared to my teenage self. Other people aren't liking the popular thing at me, after all.

[unrelaxing]

I think it's important to talk about this kind of thing - I had a similar phase in my early 20s wherein I didn't quite live by the 'live and let live' adage and it always embarrasses me.

[green]

It's very embarrassing! I was so embarrassed writing this and I still feel that way when I think about it.

*hug*

[silveradept]

It's tough to cultivate positivity and try to find the best things and curate them for yourself. There's still plenty of places where there's more than enough free-floating hostility around. So congratulations on keeping your outlook mature.

[green]

I try lol

Thank you

Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> I've learned to seek out positivity in fandom, and to curate my experience. I always want people to like me, so sometimes I do get dragged into negativity still. But I TRY to stay away from it.<<

A useful response in many venues, when people start going on something negative, is for people to post other things that are positive. It opens an opportunity to pull people away from the negative thread into a more positive thread. Plus in any top down feed, it helps bury the negative post(s).

Re: Thoughts

[green]

Ah, burying the negative posts is a good point. Thank you!

Re: Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith]

It's a riff on something that Suzette Haden Elgin used to do in response to online misbehavior, which was to post recipes. I prefer a more topically relevant response. If you can post something else that's more interesting than the garbage fight, people are likely to prefer it.

[princessofgeeks]

Thank you for the post!

[green]

💚💚💚