hope is the thing with feathers

( trigger warning for suicidal thoughts )

so while the first post was heavily filtered and didn't say much about stuff, this one is wide open and honest and I just want some friends to say they love me.

day 3 of depakote is working out well. I feel a lot better. I'm able to concentrate enough to read and hopefully soon that will slide into writing.

I'm really sorry for isolating lately. I get so embarrassed by my mental illness, and feeling like a waste of space, and feeling like I'm worthless... blahblah.

many many thanks to those of you who checked on me and commented to me (I was in no place to comment back, but know I appreciate it whole-heartedly)

this time around was ... really bad. for two days I was suicidal and close to going inpatient again. mom kept me sane enough to stay home.

thanks for sticking around. I love you all.

okay, stuff about me that's not fannish.

wait, y'all already KNOW this stuff. didn't I just do one of those 'about me' posts where I pretty much told you my life story?

lemme think of something I haven't said recently: oh! I'm looking to get into freelance writing again. a new friend (I met him on OKCupid) is setting me up with people, or something like that. idk, I'm not completely sure yet. I do need money though. I am DESPERATE for money. I also considered drawing mosaic patterns and stained glass patterns to sell on etsy. still might. I'm not sure.

I have bipolar II, did I tell you that? I'm on meds, lots of them, and I'm more stable than I've been in a long time. So I'm hoping I can do some work at home stuff without freaking out. in the past I tried but it didn't really work out because I was just ... crazy.

ask me anything! I'll answer as truthfully as possible.