needing hugs rn

[green]

I had to call a suicide hotline. I haven't had to do that in awhile (a couple of years, the last time ending in me going away for awhile) and it was not really all that helpful. I am paranoid at the moment and kept feeling like the dude was rolling his eyes at me and/or not really taking me seriously. I really just want somebody to actually care. is that selfish or like, attention seeking? at the same time I feel incredibly guilty for feeling suicidal for a number of reasons. like I really don't have the right to want to kill myself. that's... stupid, right?

basically I feel like it's never going to get better but I have to just live through hell because I am not allowed to inconvenience anyone through dying.

so while the first post was heavily filtered and didn't say much about stuff, this one is wide open and honest and I just want some friends to say they love me.

Comments

[thady]

*hugs* I care about you.

[fairestcat]

*ALL THE HUGS*

[batdina]

much love coming at you from the left coast.

[wesleysgirl]

Oh, honey. I love you. There are SO MANY people who love you. I'm so sorry the guy you talked to made you feel like he wasn't taking you seriously. He sucks. I want to kick him right in the face. Could you try a different hotline? Do you have a regular therapist and could you call him/her?

[teaotter]

*hugs* Wanting people to care about you isn't selfish. We all need to be loved.

[cathexys]

{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

[kerrypolka]

I care about you and you are a valuable person. <3

[ithiliana]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} and CARING from Texas.

[a2zmom]

You are a good person, a better than good person and you are much loved by so many.

So many hugs and so, so much love.

If you want, email me (a2zmom1@yahoo.com) and I'll give you my phone number if you think that would help. Or call someone else. It's no crime to need to reach out to people.

[armadillo1976]

Hi Green! So here is a thought. We are not friends, in the sense that we have never met or talked - even or LJ, DW etc. But: I've read your fic, and I scrolled through your tumbler, and I've generally enocuntered your presence online. And while I cannot speak to your excellent qualities as a real person in the flesh - qualities of which I am sure you have lots and lots! - I can say, with full complete honesty, that you are fandom, you create fadnom, belong to fandom, are a vital part of it, and are infinitely cherished as such. There if no fandom without you (and me and others, certainly, but you are crucial, like everybody else). You matter, you are important. You are free to feel what you feel, and welcome to reach out to others in moments of hardship, and deserving of support. I am sorry if teh person you called was not helpful. I am not at all qualified to sensibly assist you in terms of suicidal thoughts, but this is me offering what I can: virtual hugs, and warm thoughts, and fannish love.

[cleo]

*so many hugs*

[romantical]

::flops on you::

[settiai]

*hugs you*

♥♥♥

[hermitsoul]

*hugs* <3 *more hugs*

[reginagiraffe]

Your continued presence in the world, especially considering how hard it is for you right now, is very much appreciated by me.

I hope it gets easier.

*hugs you tight*

[poala]

I care about you please take care of yourself "hugs"

[amadi]

Every hug I have is yours. I'm here and I care and you are valued by, and valuable to, me. And that won't change.

[tsuki_no_bara]

*hugs* it's not selfish to want someone to care about you! it's human.

[minim_calibre]

::loves on you::

I wish you were somewhere where mental health care was good, people had adequate support, and no one on a hotline gave off eyeroll vibes.

Now, I'm unfortunately sure that said place is fictional, but I don't care. You deserve to live in that utopia. Damn it.

[redsnake05]

I don't often comment, but I am here and I do care about you. I think about you and wish you well.

I hope you get better help soon with your suicidal ideation. We all take you seriously, and respect the primacy and integrity of your own thoughts and feelings. You are definitely allowed to feel however you want about the challenges you face right now, and I respect your right to make decisions about yourself and what you need.

[noxie]

*all the hugs* I love you, bb. And I know what it feels like, and I know that even though right now you're feeling like things will never get better, they will. They will get so much better, and you will feel like yourself again. *more hugs*

[trascendenza]

Sending you so many *hugs* and <3333.

I really just want somebody to actually care. is that selfish or like, attention seeking?
I'd just like to chime in that I feel exactly that way very, very often -- at times a deep desperation to just know that someone out there cares about my existence. I don't think it makes us selfish. It's important to know that we're cared about, that we matter, that our lives have significance. Socially, there's a lot of pressure to be "totally independent" and, essentially, need-less. We have needs -- which, because they're often not met, become very intense -- and it's okay, and totally natural.

[hoeg]

*hugs* You've been dealt some really shitty cards, including a brain that insists on telling you you're not an okay person. No wonder you feel like the universe can go screw itself sometimes. But I do love you, and wish you the best! Please take care of yourself as good as you are able!

[ktnb]

*hugs lots and lots* I don't think it's selfish to want someone to care about you, though I often feel the same way.

[loligo]

I am so sorry that things are so hard right now - glad to hear today is a bit better. I have so much respect for you, and I hope that some of your challenges get easier to bear. (I'll light a candle for you, if that's okay?)

[green]

that is very okay. thank you.

[adafrog]

{{{hugs}}}