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people - other people, who are not me - do more than one thing in a day.

not that I did less than two things today.

I cooked and watched one very short video and made a short list of things to buy for the house.

I made a post asking for help on something.

I found a story I want to read and read about 1/5 of it.

I texted Dominica 4 times but didn't get an answer.

I made a short post in my online course's forum.

BUT

I would have liked to do other things. like watch more of the videos (these are for an online course that just started today, and I am already behind). and write - I would have liked to write a bit.

I would like to point to what I did already and say 'that. that is enough.'

but woe.
green: raven (stock: teaching)
I had a long post about my adventures in classroom observation to post, but then I had to fill out paperwork about Meg (since she's going to a new neurologist next month) and ended up down a rabbit hole of reports about her from years back. So many doctors and specialists and psychiatrists!

Ugh, on an unrelated note? My back is killing me.

Anyway.

On to ADVENTURES IN TWELFTH GRADE ENGLISH!

The students are reading Katherine Mansfield's "The Garden Party". It's a short story about class privilege.

I took notes on the class, so the following is notes mixed with some commentary.

Many (white) students expressed views that can only be called eugenics. It was appalling. The views ran from 'poor people should not have children' to 'poor people should have abortions'.

More students were saying 'a woman should have an abortion' than seemed to understand choice. The teacher brought up reproductive choice, but her emphasis on free will seemed to go over their heads.

There was also a thread of blaming women for being sexually active -- I actually heard one (female) student say 'poor women should keep their legs closed'. As if this ignorant teenager has the right to tell another woman what to do with her body! The teacher at this point tried to say something like 'the privileged have no right to say...' but she was cut off and no one was listening.

The students who disagreed mostly remained silent. One student (female) kept expressing that what the others were saying was wrong, but couldn't back up her views with anything substantial.

One student (male) was nodding his head at the 'it's wrong' comment, but when called on to share his views said 'I'm not getting into it'.

(then I made some notes about what I would do if the class was my own)

The next class, a remedial English skills class which is mostly poor minority students (hello, achievement gap!) was told of the previous class views. THESE students loudly denounced the classist views. Two students agreed that poor women shouldn't have children, but they were in no way as vocal about it as the students in the first class.

So, that was my day.
green: raven (stock: teaching)
I started observing in actual classrooms last Friday and went back today for another three hours of observation. It will take me 10 weeks to get enough hours the way I'm going, but that's fine.

I wrote a post about it last week, but I made it private. It was mainly about the achievement gap and how horrendous it is. I threw in some social justice and religion. I don't know why I made it private, I just did. I didn't really come up with any good answers and it mainly was me flailing at the system and society and how fucking pissed I am that there's a remedial English class at the local high school full of minority children who can barely read. Who are in 12th grade and are expected to graduate.

Okay, I'm not going to get into that again because I don't have the answers and it just frustrates me.

Yesterday I got through my tests and essay okay. The tests were easier than the essay.

Really bummed about not being eligible for food stamps anymore. Meg is still eligible, but I'm not, and it brings our total to about $129(?) for the month. Not a lot. And I'm still trying to pay bills with Meg's SSI check which, as you might recall, got cut awhile back. If I could work, I would. It's just not possible.

I don't know how I've gotten this far with school without having a breakdown so far. (I keep waiting for it to happen, but I know I shouldn't think like that.) But I make myself go and do homework and try my best. I know I can't rely heavily on motivation, because that comes and goes. I just have to do it.

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