hope is the thing with feathers

(copied from a message to majoline, 'cause I really didn't want to type it out again)

I was madly in love with Derek Hale (at least, he looked like Derek and I was calling him Derek, but he wasn't Derek)

but everyone seemed to think I was in love with my ex, Thomas
and people were planning this weird thing
where I'd run off to Washington (no idea why) but along the way, my car would overheat
and Thomas would save me
and then we'd be together from then on
and the whole time I was thinking,

"this is so WEIRD, I don't even LIKE him, I just want to be with Derek, I've got to find Derek and talk to him..."
and also, people kept giving me credit cards so I'd have gas on this monumental road trip
but I was secretly going to ATM machines and just getting all the cash I could
so that if Derek rejected me, I could disappear with all the untraceable cash
and I wouldn't be forced into being with Thomas for the rest of my life

I woke up while I was searching for Derek during my going away party

so basically I have no control over my life, or I'm searching for control, or I'm scheming to be happy despite everyone else's "good intentions". or whatever.