(no subject)

this month is a struggle. the house needs some important repairs (plumbing, rotting wood on the ramp to be replaced, stuff like that) and mom and I are scrambling trying to figure out where to get the money from. that on top of groceries and bills (again) and it's like. what. I can't ask for money anymore. I mean, I can. I can and I probably will but right now I'm not.

I thought about starting a gofundme but I don't think I will. I don't know. mom is so stressed. I'm so stressed. meg is fine lol. I'm worried about getting too much money on a gofundme and then the government crashing on me. I'm worried about not getting enough and... just not having enough. I don't know.

and I'm so mad at myself, I see so many of my friends making money from their writing and I'm not. I have tried but I can't get more than 20k words of an original thing out so far, and I can't do nonfiction. am I not trying hard enough? I feel like such a failure.

this is why I don't update. all my updates are depressing.

paypal (okay so I'm just putting the link here)