"When you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras."

does thinking about the past ever lead to anything good? usually I try not to dwell unless I'm forced to by the psych industry (*snort*) but today I'm having insights and it's making me angry.

I don't want to be angry. though angry is probably better than apathetic. I don't know. is it? am I coming out of the depression, or is it getting worse?

today I'm mad at everyone who was around me when I was a young teenager and first coming into my Powers. (again, I snort. I mean the brain weasels.) I'm mad at them for not thinking zebras when they heard the hoofbeats. Which is irrational of me, I KNOW it is. I guess you see a kid whose parents just divorced, whose father is a vet with PTSD and a host of other abuse-causing shit, and you think 'oh, of course, depression and mild trauma/confusion' not 'burgeoning yet permanent mood and anxiety disorders'. But the crap in my head only ever got worse, and it feels like the folks who were supposed to notice I was drowning - my mom, my teachers, my psychologist - fell down on the job and left me wide open for the fiasco to happen.

Heh. Calling my marriage a 'fiasco' instead of 'a decade-long prison' or 'carnival of abuse' has got to be progress, right? :P