needing hugs rn

[green]

I had to call a suicide hotline. I haven't had to do that in awhile (a couple of years, the last time ending in me going away for awhile) and it was not really all that helpful. I am paranoid at the moment and kept feeling like the dude was rolling his eyes at me and/or not really taking me seriously. I really just want somebody to actually care. is that selfish or like, attention seeking? at the same time I feel incredibly guilty for feeling suicidal for a number of reasons. like I really don't have the right to want to kill myself. that's... stupid, right?

basically I feel like it's never going to get better but I have to just live through hell because I am not allowed to inconvenience anyone through dying.

so while the first post was heavily filtered and didn't say much about stuff, this one is wide open and honest and I just want some friends to say they love me.

Comments

[redsnake05]

I don't often comment, but I am here and I do care about you. I think about you and wish you well.

I hope you get better help soon with your suicidal ideation. We all take you seriously, and respect the primacy and integrity of your own thoughts and feelings. You are definitely allowed to feel however you want about the challenges you face right now, and I respect your right to make decisions about yourself and what you need.