needing hugs rn

[green]

I had to call a suicide hotline. I haven't had to do that in awhile (a couple of years, the last time ending in me going away for awhile) and it was not really all that helpful. I am paranoid at the moment and kept feeling like the dude was rolling his eyes at me and/or not really taking me seriously. I really just want somebody to actually care. is that selfish or like, attention seeking? at the same time I feel incredibly guilty for feeling suicidal for a number of reasons. like I really don't have the right to want to kill myself. that's... stupid, right?

basically I feel like it's never going to get better but I have to just live through hell because I am not allowed to inconvenience anyone through dying.

so while the first post was heavily filtered and didn't say much about stuff, this one is wide open and honest and I just want some friends to say they love me.

Comments

[trascendenza]

Sending you so many *hugs* and <3333.

I really just want somebody to actually care. is that selfish or like, attention seeking?
I'd just like to chime in that I feel exactly that way very, very often -- at times a deep desperation to just know that someone out there cares about my existence. I don't think it makes us selfish. It's important to know that we're cared about, that we matter, that our lives have significance. Socially, there's a lot of pressure to be "totally independent" and, essentially, need-less. We have needs -- which, because they're often not met, become very intense -- and it's okay, and totally natural.