the world itself is the bad dream

[green]

(title from The Bell Jar, cause I'm feeling obvious)

Been feeling really crappy^[1] for the past few days. Don't know why, exactly^[2]. It's possibly the med I tried last week but you'd think that would be over with by now, especially since I only took it for 3 days. But anyway.

I am depressed. On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being 'it's great to be alive' and 1 means I need a hospital setting where my shoelaces are taken, I'd go with 1.39 as my number.

DISTRACTIONS WELCOME.

Also, I'd like to say that I'm so sick of people using the word 'depressed' when they aren't actually depressed, because then when the word is used properly, it reads as a very weak, watered-down description of what it truly is.

I've let Mom know how bad it is, so she's watching me. In case you were worried. So don't worry.


[1] understatement

[2] so sick of blaming everything on my brain weasels - yes, I do know that 'random bouts of depression' comes with the bipolar territory, but it makes me feel so helpless when that's the ~only reason. I want something concrete I can, idk, SHOOT. something other than my own head, I mean. oh, haha, probably shouldn't say that in the same post where I'm alluding to suicide, right?

Comments

[calystarose]

*snuggle*

[green]

<33333

*all the hugs and love*

[adafrog]

{{{hugs}}}

[green]

*hugs back lots* :)

[scheherezhad]

*hugs*

[green]

Thank you. ♥

*hugs back lots!*

[waketosleep]

Could be the last dredges of that medication (it happens), could be something else. For me, when I get mysterious ennui it usually turns out it's PMS. Hugs and hopes you shake yourself out of it soon!

[green]

Probably it's a mix of all of the above.

*hugs*

[devon]

Hi and welcome to my DW. I know that feeling because I've had it most of this autumn. It's been 10 days since this post, and I hope you are feeling better, even if you're not great. Depression is a heavy load to bear, but the option is not bearing it, and I usually think that's worse. Hang in there for the people you care about (and who care about you).

My recent suicidal post is locked, but now you can read it if you're not worried about being triggered.

[green]

I went ahead and read the post, with one eye closed and at an angle because that's safer, right? :)

It's good sometimes to see someone else feel the same as you have or do, but it sucks in other ways. I'm sorry you were/are in so much pain.

I am doing better today, and yesterday, though I am having bouts of massive irritability. But it's better to snap at loved ones than snap entirely, right? Ugh.

I welcome you to my circle. Hi!