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my good mood is slipping through my fingers.
it's so fucking frustrating. here one week, gone the next, and now I just have to squeeze my eyes shut and dig my feet in and hope and pray at the top of my lungs that the depression won't sweep me away again.
fuck.
***
in fannish/writing news, I bowed out of the TW BB. this is after sending in my rough draft. my laugh is a bitter one. I have reasons, and if I can get my head screwed on right this fic will actually be edited and polished and posted long before the actual TW BB stories come out, but I need to get into the right headspace for that and who knows when that'll happen.
***
monday I went to the store for food, but Florida SNAP was having some kind of reset/blackout, so when I got to the register I realized my cart-full of food was not coming home with me.
***
yesterday, meg got botox shots in her legs for the first time. the drive to the doc to get the shots is long, and it means being cooped up with mom and meg for hours and hours. then when we got back to our own town meg had to go up to the lab and get blood drawn. she was tired and cranky by then so it took three of us to handle her enough to make it all work. bad day for everyone, really. mom's crankiness took the form of hostility toward me. my crankiness was all 'omg, I just spent WAY too much time away from my safe zone and now I'm going to ignore the world and read fanfiction until I feel like myself again' (maybe just maybe this is what mom was cranky about)
could not leave the house again except to go through a drive through for food, since there's no food in the house. it would have been better if I'd gone to the store, but after all the unwanted interaction plus being stressed over meg's stress and being guilt tripped by mom I just couldn't do it. I told mom I was going to taco bell. I asked her what she wanted. she said she wanted a milkshake. I pointed out that taco bell does not sell milkshakes. there was some grumbling about 'well, you asked me what I wanted' so I ended up going to two different drive throughs. JFC, people.
***
went to bed earlyish last night so I wouldn't oversleep. mom woke me early 'cause she felt like shit and I took over morning meg duty. once meg was off to school I went back to bed, but then I still overslept. like, until 11? almost? gah. my head was all fuzzy and now I feel better but I only have 2 hours to do whatever until meg gets home and then I have to get her settled down for a nap and THEN I have to go to the store for the 2nd time this week and that is just not fair.
it's so fucking frustrating. here one week, gone the next, and now I just have to squeeze my eyes shut and dig my feet in and hope and pray at the top of my lungs that the depression won't sweep me away again.
fuck.
***
in fannish/writing news, I bowed out of the TW BB. this is after sending in my rough draft. my laugh is a bitter one. I have reasons, and if I can get my head screwed on right this fic will actually be edited and polished and posted long before the actual TW BB stories come out, but I need to get into the right headspace for that and who knows when that'll happen.
***
monday I went to the store for food, but Florida SNAP was having some kind of reset/blackout, so when I got to the register I realized my cart-full of food was not coming home with me.
***
yesterday, meg got botox shots in her legs for the first time. the drive to the doc to get the shots is long, and it means being cooped up with mom and meg for hours and hours. then when we got back to our own town meg had to go up to the lab and get blood drawn. she was tired and cranky by then so it took three of us to handle her enough to make it all work. bad day for everyone, really. mom's crankiness took the form of hostility toward me. my crankiness was all 'omg, I just spent WAY too much time away from my safe zone and now I'm going to ignore the world and read fanfiction until I feel like myself again' (maybe just maybe this is what mom was cranky about)
could not leave the house again except to go through a drive through for food, since there's no food in the house. it would have been better if I'd gone to the store, but after all the unwanted interaction plus being stressed over meg's stress and being guilt tripped by mom I just couldn't do it. I told mom I was going to taco bell. I asked her what she wanted. she said she wanted a milkshake. I pointed out that taco bell does not sell milkshakes. there was some grumbling about 'well, you asked me what I wanted' so I ended up going to two different drive throughs. JFC, people.
***
went to bed earlyish last night so I wouldn't oversleep. mom woke me early 'cause she felt like shit and I took over morning meg duty. once meg was off to school I went back to bed, but then I still overslept. like, until 11? almost? gah. my head was all fuzzy and now I feel better but I only have 2 hours to do whatever until meg gets home and then I have to get her settled down for a nap and THEN I have to go to the store for the 2nd time this week and that is just not fair.
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*hugs*
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