![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
(no subject)
I've had so much on my mind lately, and I think I've had some insights, too! But every time I go to open a new 'update' tab, it all slips away and I'm left staring at an empty textbox thinking "What is my life?"
I hate writing, I love writing. I love the process and how it makes me feel. I love my fingers flying across the keys. But then I hate the actual results.
I've tried to look at it logically and rationally, but my brain usually doesn't work that way.
Last week I got angry and frustrated for a bit with fandom itself and placed the blame solely on fandom's shoulders because of REASONS. Seriously, I was having murderous thoughts about fandom's role in sapping my creativity. For about 15 minutes there I actually had a plan to leave fandom altogether (after all these years, I was just going to walk away) for the good of my sanity.
HA.
Then a gear in my brain started turning in the opposite direction and I was suddenly appalled at my thinking and I realized that the problem is obviously ME and not FANDOM.
Still working out the bugs, though, because I still haven't rooted out what the problem is. It's really frustrating.
I have a fic that is only missing one scene. Yesterday I decided I was going to write that one scene and then submit the story as my TWBB. Then I remembered why I haven't finished and posted the story: It makes no sense! Well, parts of it make sense. But there are other parts that do not, not even to me. So said story will probably never see the light of day.
I've been getting advice from friends (abut writing in general) but so far it's not sinking in or working. :(
I hate writing, I love writing. I love the process and how it makes me feel. I love my fingers flying across the keys. But then I hate the actual results.
I've tried to look at it logically and rationally, but my brain usually doesn't work that way.
Last week I got angry and frustrated for a bit with fandom itself and placed the blame solely on fandom's shoulders because of REASONS. Seriously, I was having murderous thoughts about fandom's role in sapping my creativity. For about 15 minutes there I actually had a plan to leave fandom altogether (after all these years, I was just going to walk away) for the good of my sanity.
HA.
Then a gear in my brain started turning in the opposite direction and I was suddenly appalled at my thinking and I realized that the problem is obviously ME and not FANDOM.
Still working out the bugs, though, because I still haven't rooted out what the problem is. It's really frustrating.
I have a fic that is only missing one scene. Yesterday I decided I was going to write that one scene and then submit the story as my TWBB. Then I remembered why I haven't finished and posted the story: It makes no sense! Well, parts of it make sense. But there are other parts that do not, not even to me. So said story will probably never see the light of day.
I've been getting advice from friends (abut writing in general) but so far it's not sinking in or working. :(
no subject
no subject
I wish you the best of luck in your search and wanted you to know you weren't alone with such contradictory feelings about the craft. Right now I'm on a "give up writing forever" kick. (My friends actually suggested it because they're tired of the up/down I go through when I write.) It's been 27 days since my last word of fic.
no subject
no subject