You know, it's funny. We friended each other during Snow Flake because we were like "Yeah happy love things share the world wooo" but as we go on this month, I'm learning more and more about you and realizing that we have a whole lot more in common than just our good things.
Obvs I don't know your whole store, but here is an abbreviated version of mine: When I was 15, my best friend committed suicide. I feel into a really deep dark hole of depression, and everyone around me assumed that it was normal. Only it lasted for 3 years, the depression, and was couple with PTSD I started suffering due to not being able to talk about the trauma, and was ALSO the onset of my Bipolar disorder.
So when you say "mad at everyone who didn't notice" boy oh boy do I feel you. My mom used to hear me crying in the shower every night, but didn't feel she could do anything about it. Nobody around me thought it was anything more serious than a reaction to my friends suicide, and while obviously that set it off, it took me years to realize there were other things going on. And what still pisses me off is that if just one person has listened to me, really listened instead of saying shit like "You need to stop this now, it's time to move on" I probably could have avoided the PTSD, too.
And I'm angry all the time. I think... I think when you go through trauma, that anger is the first and last response. Anger is the thing that stays, for me. I can feel other emotions, I can be happy and be entertained and be in love and be joyful and live my life... but I have never stopped being angry. I really am angry all the time. It's a conscious decision not to let that anger rule my life, but I do feel it. Often.
And what's interesting about the people who are in my life now is that they always think Zebra's! I've been under control for about 2 years now, right med dosages, good support system, really minor downswings. But my mom and my husband both tend to think Zebra's anytime I feel the least bit poorly. It's an overreaction to the trauma they know I've been though, probably.
So I think what I'm getting at here is that it's okay to be angry. You may never stop being angry- I don't think I ever will. And anger can be good. It can drive you and motivate you and keep you going. It can also burn you out. There's... there's a balance and it isn't easy to find.
But when you live lives with mental illness, what's easy, right? So my vote is that anger is progress. We're all struggling with things and we're all in different places and we're all angry, and none of us is wrong for it. <3
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Obvs I don't know your whole store, but here is an abbreviated version of mine: When I was 15, my best friend committed suicide. I feel into a really deep dark hole of depression, and everyone around me assumed that it was normal. Only it lasted for 3 years, the depression, and was couple with PTSD I started suffering due to not being able to talk about the trauma, and was ALSO the onset of my Bipolar disorder.
So when you say "mad at everyone who didn't notice" boy oh boy do I feel you. My mom used to hear me crying in the shower every night, but didn't feel she could do anything about it. Nobody around me thought it was anything more serious than a reaction to my friends suicide, and while obviously that set it off, it took me years to realize there were other things going on. And what still pisses me off is that if just one person has listened to me, really listened instead of saying shit like "You need to stop this now, it's time to move on" I probably could have avoided the PTSD, too.
And I'm angry all the time. I think... I think when you go through trauma, that anger is the first and last response. Anger is the thing that stays, for me. I can feel other emotions, I can be happy and be entertained and be in love and be joyful and live my life... but I have never stopped being angry. I really am angry all the time. It's a conscious decision not to let that anger rule my life, but I do feel it. Often.
And what's interesting about the people who are in my life now is that they always think Zebra's! I've been under control for about 2 years now, right med dosages, good support system, really minor downswings. But my mom and my husband both tend to think Zebra's anytime I feel the least bit poorly. It's an overreaction to the trauma they know I've been though, probably.
So I think what I'm getting at here is that it's okay to be angry. You may never stop being angry- I don't think I ever will. And anger can be good. It can drive you and motivate you and keep you going. It can also burn you out. There's... there's a balance and it isn't easy to find.
But when you live lives with mental illness, what's easy, right? So my vote is that anger is progress. We're all struggling with things and we're all in different places and we're all angry, and none of us is wrong for it. <3