green: (buffy: willow/tara)
This morning I started thinking how much I wish I could make Mom happy with the religion stuff. I started thinking about how she's 70 now, and her health isn't stellar, and how maybe one day I'll regret not at least going to church with her sometimes. But just the thought of setting foot in a Christian church again, and a Free Will Baptist church at that, makes me sick to my stomach.

Read more... )
green: (Default)
This is the second time I've made this recipe for crock pot split pea soup in a couple of weeks. It's soooo good and I can't wait to eat it up again. The recipe makes a lot, so I have tons left over, and the leftovers are even better than the just-made, which is pretty damned good, too.

There are a couple of changes to the recipe I've made: no marjoram, no thyme, no bay leaf. pretty sure you could leave out the ham for a veg or kosher variety. it's the PEAS that make it. And the veggies (and the little bit of garlic). Oh, also, I cook it on HIGH for about four hours, then low until it's time to eat. So all in all it takes less time to cook that way (about 6 hours total, shaves off 2-4 hours?) than the recipe says, and it's just fine that way.

Anyway, some people run their pea soup through the food processor when they're done to get it to a creamier consistency. I just use the potato masher on it all after it's all cooked and it's mostly creamy that way without dirtying another appliance.

Today is CABIN PRESSURE DAY. \o/ I hope mom doesn't talk to me today so I can chat on gtalk about it. Mom is sewing. She sews at the kitchen table when she's not sewing in the living room. Close enough to talk to me. ALL. DAY.

She's not saying anything negative about ME! She's not sniping at ME! She's just talking about ... stupid shit. Obama. Gun control and how it's of the devil — or Obama, which is the same thing to her. How this quilt is different from the last quilt. How her ex husband won't stop calling her (even though she does nothing to dissuade him). How because of abortion, the population is going to dip, and therefore there will be no one to take care of the old folks, and they're going to institutionalize mandatory euthanasia eventually anyway. Everything that's wrong with Desmond Tutu. How Glenn Beck wants to start a theme park (the theme being Liberty) with its own commune (Which is too hippie-ish for Mom). How she uses the ironing board and the presser foot backwards (I don't even know what she's talking about). The crazies (except that people listen to them) who yell that "the Jews" are behind 9/11 (We agree on something! Those people are vile).

Which reminds me: I have no idea what's going on with the elections in Israel. in which I ramble about Israeli politics. and I do mean ramble. )

OKAY. So. There's a Knesset. It has 120 seats. Likud still fills the majority of the seats, but they lost a lot in this election, too. There are a 'record number' of women in this Knesset. (5 more, the grand total being 26)

I still don't understand fully, but I get the gist. Israeli politics are a bit (a bit!) confusing. I think it's because of the BILLION parties.
green: (Default)
my mom just told the neighborhood children to "get the hell off the lawn and if you throw a rock at the dog I'm going to bust your butt!"

sometimes mom is hilarious.

we have a FENCE, so they're not actually in the yard, just running along outside it.

now the kids are going to make up stories about my mother, the actual wicked witch of the neighborhood. there will be dares to climb the fence and fetch balls from her collection. or something.

I need to go to the grocery store and buy non-thanksgiving foods.

I run out of meds on friday and do not have an appointment to get more until next wednesday.

OMG I HAVE AN ARTIST FOR DRAGON BIG BANG! Now I really have to finish the fic, huh? :P Seriously though, I'm so excited.

I don't cuss half as much as I used to. Those of you who've been around for awhile might have noticed that.

this is pretty much a post that says nothing. HI. drop by and say hi if you're reading. also, if I haven't granted you access and you really want it, let me know, because I've fallen behind on keeping tabs on who's in and who's out.
green: (avengers: hawkeye)
am rewatching avengers today

mom is tormenting me with a houseplant. for weeks she's threatened to move it closer to my chair, and today she made good on it. so now I have this thing )

on the table next to me. wtf, mom. it's like a tentacle monster. and not the sexy kind.
green: (Default)
can't decide whether I want chicken tacos or ground turkey tacos. def want to make tacos, though.

dear december: you suck.

meg got sick again today like she has the three other times in the past few months -- lethargic, pale, clammy, can't walk. took her to the doctor. doctor ordered blood work, but otherwise doesn't know what's up.

wednesday meg has an mri. on the 22nd, she's going in the hospital for tests for a few days. I start PT on thursday. I have finals next week. I am so stressed. meanwhile, mom is nuttier than usual.

and I can't decide what kind of tacos I want to eat.
green: (Default)
made an appointment to see my doc. he had a cancellation so I get to see him tomorrow morning. maybe we can try something new. or maybe he'll put me in the hospital, idk. I really am doing better now though. the weekend was really bad but I'm not having as many intrusive thoughts and suicidal ideations. I'm thinking of calling my therapist too, just to give her a heads up. I just don't want to bother her. but it's her job, I know. I know! I just feel so insignificant like what I'm going through isn't important. also, my mom is still pissed off at me for being depressed because ... idk. she's depressed too and somethingsomething blah blah why don't I talk to her blah blah.
green: (bandom: frank/gerard)
I keep going to make an entry and then clicking out without typing anything.

*deletes post full of feelings about a certain SPIN article*

UGH. I thought I could talk about it without sounding irrational, but I guess not. :\

ANYWAY. I'm having a bad day. Meg is home sick for the second day in a row. Mom is also sick, and kind of ... well, she doesn't like me today, or something. (I'm selfish and self-centered and the world revolves around me and oh, I'm a shitty mother, too.)

I love S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W.

I dislike Summertime.

I need to get to work on writing. And beta reading. If I can concentrate, which ... HA, guess what? I CAN'T.

WHATEVER

Jul. 22nd, 2010 09:56 am
green: (random: oppressions)
So my mom bought a book (small book) on black history. It is written by a white man. This guy. She said she enjoyed it.

One good thing came out of it, though. She finally stopped saying that the Confederate flag is a matter of heritage.
green: zoe and mal from firefly with the caption 'sanity is relative' (firefly: sanity is relative)
No, seriously, I found a female friend in real life! She came over yesterday and we talked for HOURS upon HOURS. We're a lot alike in some ways and complete opposites in others, which I think will be good. Her name is Nicca.

In not good news, my mom is pissed at me for weird mom reasons. Hopefully she will be over it by Monday when she comes home from work.

Writing is going slooooowly. I finished my two prompts for GML, though. \o/

I am out of sugar for my coffee. This is not good.
green: (Default)
My boys are great. They are really, really good kids who got stuck with a shitty situation where they don't see me very often, and it's hard on them but they're resilient and funny and so smart and I love them so, so much.

Meg is anxious with them around, though. They're too noisy and active, and she's pulling her hair out in chunks. I wish things were different.

My mom's boyfriend is in the hospital with heart and lung problems. I hope he's okay, because mom loves him a whole lot.
green: (Default)
Mom is acting weird today. She's really depressed and keeps talking about dying. I don't think she's suicidal or anything, just depressed. I don't know what to do for her.
green: (Default)
Hi. I'm still alive.

The doctor put me on some new meds the other day: the T3 thyroid pill and lithium. I am tentatively declaring it the best thing that's happened to me all year.

In embarrassing news, I started smoking again. I feel really guilty about it. And I can't afford it.

I've been watching The West Wing for the first time. I'm on season 6 already because I've been mainlining it and not doing anything else except take care of Meg.

Still can't get Meg's seizures under control. We're taking her to Gainesville in about a month for a hospital stay and to get some new eyes on her case. Her main neurologist says she's the hardest case he's ever had.

My mom is having trouble with her heart. There's a lot of different things going on and she just got put on four medications in the past two weeks. On top of that she has to have her gall bladder out. Normally it's a pretty easy procedure, but with the heart problems there's increased risk of course.

The boys are coming for Thanksgiving. I've missed them so much but I'm worried I won't be able to handle the stress.

I'm sorry for isolating so much. The depression gets so bad I can't see or feel anything in front of me.

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