green

not doing much lately. playing Skyrim and watching Netflix. Flashpoint is awesome.

please feel free to email me and I will get to answer you as soon as I can. might be awhile but a little contact outside mom and meg can only do me good. might be better to email me at beingagreenmother at gmail.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

My computer just died on me. Completely. Just. Gone. Don't know how much I'll be around in the future. :(

(oh, and last night the toilet broke. the tank, that is. ugh.)

I am watching the Deep Space Nine crew play baseball. It is doing much for my mood. :D

I don't know what else to say. OH. cool_rain_kiss helped me figure out that even if I get EVERY PROBLEM WRONG on my Algebra final, I will still pass the class with the C I need. \o/

I wish I had a best friend. I should make a list of possible candidates and then woo them into the position.

my stomach is tore up. that's how you say it here in the south. tore up. it's anxiety. last night I had nightmares about the poetry presentation I have to give today, and I think I have to miss my last Algebra class because I shouldn't stray far from the toilet.

I feel awful. :(

ugh, I really need to go to that Algebra class.

send good thoughts?

also, mom felt the need to send me an email news article about 100 Orthodox rabbis and their same-sex declaration (hint: they're not for it). so it's like she's poking my religion and my queerness at the same time? not that I'm Orthodox. But mom seems to think that Orthodox Judaism is the best Judaism and ... idk how to explain it. I want to cry.

will not be getting pain relief any time soon. doc won't give me the good drugs. going to pain management next month, though, and hopefully THEY will help me. I mean, I can't sleep at night because if I roll a little I'm in pain. UGH. it's not like I would take them every day, just when it flares up. UGH. anyway, I have a really fucked up disc and that's what's wrong. he's giving me 6 weeks of physical therapy before we look at surgery, but surgery seems to be a real option at this point.

thank you for helping me. if you didn't see my post last night, I'm having money issues and could really use some help. my paypal email is anthony.melissa@rocketmail.com

I think I am depressed. I haven't been depressed in months and this is UNWANTED. >:(

I can't do anything. I'm pissed that I didn't make art for the reverse big bang bandom whatchamacallit.

Also, I'm a little sensitive. And I've been depressed since Jasmine died. I had a dream last night that she was alive and I was so happy, and I woke up happy, and then she was still gone and I remembered and UGH.

And I'm really lonely.

Wow, this post sucks.

I hadn't seen my cat in a few days, but she's disappeared before and shown up again so I tried not to panic. This time, mom found her outside the fence and she'd been gone for a couple of days.

I'm kind of numb about it. I'm also feeling really guilty about not keeping her inside. But from the moment she came up to me on the porch, she's always been an indoor/outdoor kitty. She was housebroken, never had to use a litter box. Smart.

Ugh.

( an old but accurate pic )

ETA: I wasn't clear. Jasmine died. When I said gone I meant dead.

I had an MRI today on my back. Hopefully they'll find something fixable so I can stop HURTING all the time. I highly doubt it, though.

I had a long post about my adventures in classroom observation to post, but then I had to fill out paperwork about Meg (since she's going to a new neurologist next month) and ended up down a rabbit hole of reports about her from years back. So many doctors and specialists and psychiatrists!

Ugh, on an unrelated note? My back is killing me.

Anyway.

On to ADVENTURES IN TWELFTH GRADE ENGLISH!

The students are reading Katherine Mansfield's "The Garden Party". It's a short story about class privilege.

I took notes on the class, so the following is notes mixed with some commentary.

Many (white) students expressed views that can only be called eugenics. It was appalling. The views ran from 'poor people should not have children' to 'poor people should have abortions'.

More students were saying 'a woman should have an abortion' than seemed to understand choice. The teacher brought up reproductive choice, but her emphasis on free will seemed to go over their heads.

There was also a thread of blaming women for being sexually active -- I actually heard one (female) student say 'poor women should keep their legs closed'. As if this ignorant teenager has the right to tell another woman what to do with her body! The teacher at this point tried to say something like 'the privileged have no right to say...' but she was cut off and no one was listening.

The students who disagreed mostly remained silent. One student (female) kept expressing that what the others were saying was wrong, but couldn't back up her views with anything substantial.

One student (male) was nodding his head at the 'it's wrong' comment, but when called on to share his views said 'I'm not getting into it'.

(then I made some notes about what I would do if the class was my own)

The next class, a remedial English skills class which is mostly poor minority students (hello, achievement gap!) was told of the previous class views. THESE students loudly denounced the classist views. Two students agreed that poor women shouldn't have children, but they were in no way as vocal about it as the students in the first class.

So, that was my day.